My Personal 2024 Beatfest

Growth!

That’s the word that comes to mind when I think back on my place in the year 2024.

Growth in a huge way, more so than any other year in the last decade.

2024 has been an extremely uncomfortable, eye-opening, anxiety inducing, learning curve that has produced incredible fear and tested my motto of ‘feel the fear and do it anyway’ almost to breaking point.

But now, looking back, I’m immensely grateful for the trials, tribulations and unbelievable challenges I faced and the woman it has forced me to become.

Please join me on my crazy ride through 2024.

JANUARY

A rough month as I come to accept the estrangement of a precious family member as irreparable, while realising it was time to pick up the pieces and let them go.

As difficult as the decision was to make, I knew I had to walk away to save myself. To grieve fully and sit within the patience of acceptance, knowing that once I did so, there would be no returning.

Many tears were shed throughout the month of January and scar tissue now bolsters my heart protectively.

A heartbreaking month!

Matt McClure - The Shore depicts my struggle and ultimate decision.

FEBRUARY

What a challenging month February turned out to be.

I’d been working on a dream for the past six months or so, not really believing the dream would ever see the light of day.

Until February strolled into view.

It was in February that I struggled with making certain decisions, struggled hard.

I listed the pros and cons, I tossed and turned in bed each night, mind reeling with 50 odd tabs open at once, terrified I’d make the wrong choice.

Until I remembered there’s no wrong choices, just different lessons to learn, dependant on what I choose.

Monumental moment!

Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers - I Won’t Back Down saved the day and sums up how I finished February 2024.

MARCH

March was a month of incredible excitement and emotional goodbyes of attachments to things I owned.

A month of mixed emotions.

I had to make some incredibly hard and ruthless decisions this month as I pared down my life to bring me a step closer to my plans and dreams.

Sifting through possessions knowing I could keep very little of what I owned. Pouring through photographs before they were given away or binned. Donating all the keepsakes of my boys’ childhood that I’d kept for over thirty years.

Tough but necessary!

March was also the month that I made my first big purchase of the year, a new car. I picked it up mid-month and this was the catalyst that set my future plans in concrete.

Game on!

The Rolling Stones - Mixed Emotions says it all.

APRIL

April is always one of my favourite months as this one is about my awesome son, as we celebrate another year around the sun.

This year holds a special place in my heart because I was able to do something very special for his birthday.

I was able to gift him my car, one which he’d loved since the day I bought it.

Funnily enough, he thought he was buying it from me and had a loan approved to do so. I didn’t disillusion him, but then gave the car to him as his birthday gift.

Just the look on his face when he held the keys was the most precious thank you in the world.

A month of gratitude!

Good Charlotte - Thank You Mom. My son text this song to me. I think it says it all.

MAY

This was a month that made me face my biggest, imminent fear for the very first time.

I made my second big purchase in May, a new caravan, and yet the very thought of what I was doing terrified me to the extremes.

I’d never towed anything in my life and yet I was going to drive my new car I wasn’t yet used to, and pick up my new caravan, to then tow it back home in peak hour traffic on the freeway.

What was I thinking?

How did I think I could do this?

Because I can’t — but then I did!

Face that fear honey!

Celine Dion - Courage. I asked Celine for help here and she delivered.

JUNE

As I was unpacking my life and transitioning it to become a future full time traveller, it began to hit home.

The changes. Discarding my old life like a snake shedding its old skin. Becoming someone totally new, unrecognisable.

Doubt digging a hold deep within my chest; strangling me, suffocating me.

June was the beginning of this transition.

It all began with the realisation that this was going to come about.

With that realisation came questions, disbelief on my own ability, my own strength, while knowing the coin had been tossed. There was no turning back now.

There’d be no quitting!

SIX60 - Don’t Give It Up spoke volumes to me during June.

JULY

I decided I needed some distraction from all the planning, stress, fear, worry, anxiety and organising in July.

I needed a break.

I turned to a personal love of mine to help me relax and de-stress — music concerts.

I attended three seperate music concerts this month, bittersweet emotions because I knew they’d be the last concerts I attended for some time. Not that I allowed that to put a damper on things.

My favourite night would have to be front row centre seat at an open-air Chris Isaak concert in the pouring rain.

An easier month!

Chris Isaak - Forever Blue. One of my favourite songs of the night.

AUGUST

It was time to get back to serious planning and organising because time was running out fast.

My lease on my house was due to expire mid October so I had to be ready to go by then.

We also started to look for a place to rent for my son, who currently shared the house with me.

We soon begun to panic when we felt the current property crisis in Brisbane. For every property for rent, forty odd families would be wanting it.

A month of worrying!

Mark Knopfker - Why Worry. I would listen to this acoustical to help settle my worry.

SEPTEMBER

We finally found my son a rental property this month but it wasn’t until near on the end of the month, so worry was a big part of September.

It also began to hit home that I would soon be saying my goodbye’s to my son, not knowing when I’d see him again.

My son and I have a very tight knit relationship, and it was September that my heart began to break upon realising how close that goodbye was getting.

Another mixed emotion month!

Rascal Flatts - Here Comes Goodbye, spoke as I felt this month.

OCTOBER

My month — I’ve spent another rotation around the sun and I’m especially thankful I hadn’t hit the road yet, so I could spend one more birthday with my son.

We dined at our favourite Thai restaurant, one final time, for my birthday. Just the two of us and I have etched that night in my memories so I can revisit it later.

October was also the month where my fear escalated. My doubt, telling me I couldn’t do this, raised its head constantly. My heart broke a little more every day at the thought of leaving my son.

A tough month!

Guns N’ Roses - Breakdown. Where I thought I was heading in October — ending up as a puddle on the floor.

NOVEMBER

The month my heart totally shattered.

On 1 November, I pulled my big girl panties on, hitched my car to my caravan and drove out of Brisbane, with tears obscuring my eyes for at least the first hour.

The hardest part of this entire year was saying goodbye to my son and then watching as he drove away, not knowing when I’ll see him again.

That shattered me!

I never was good at goodbyes and the deeper I love the harder the goodbye.

But on the plus side — my new life had just begun!

My dream had come to fruition and I was on the road to nowhere.

I was heading for freedom.

John Farnham - That’s Freedom was blasted out of my car stereo as I drove down the highway.

I’ve now been on the road for the entire month of November and I’m loving it.

As hard as it was this year, it pushed me to be a far better version of myself than I thought I was ever capable of.

Am I now fearless? No, I’m terrified but I’m slowly building up the confidence in myself that will help me realise I can do this and I can do this well!

This has become the best decision I’ve made in a long, long time.

It’s been a huge year of monumental growth.