My Lifelong Soundtrack

Hello everyone. This is my second time for doing the playlist/music challenge.

here’s the link of my first one in case you haven’t seen it on 2022(early 2023) challenge— I know it’s not perfect melodic songs as I thought, but I tried my best…

Now—This year was more deeper in the survival mode. This is a journey due to tackling from my serious issues. It’s not just in 2024, but it’s from last year, and even longer. For this challenge, I have to reflecting on my past year(even last year and so). I also have to craft by reflecting my story that catches me and my most defining moments through the music that truly accompanied them.

1- ‘What was I made for’- Billie Eilish(2023)

This song! I couldn’t tell how much I’ve been obsessed this song so much since Barbie came in theaters in summer 2023. I have been listened to this every time, like I couldn’t stop it, even when I’m still heartbroken, calm, or lonely. ‘I think I forgot- how to be happy—-‘ It also reflect me so much for many reasons including what is like being a human being, including mental health struggles, womens’ rights, and LGBTQA.

2-‘Godzilla’- NANNA (2023)

This singer is phenomenal. Of course, I adore the group that she was in called Of Monsters And Men for over ten years. I’m glad that researched about what this song means. This song is really reflects me when I have been lot of self doubts and negative automatic thoughts every day and night. No matter what I’m having a good day, I still having those bad thoughts if I did something wrong and why I’m still being treated different than others. From the lyrics, ‘Be careful with your thoughts’, I felt related with that all the time. Sadly, people think of me that I’m nothing but a villain because I’m always my own worst enemy. I know things were not easy these days for many reasons including the trauma, emotional wounds, the worst mistakes I made, or things I took personally.

3- ‘Daylight’ David Kushner (2023)

This song is quite powerful. ‘Running from the daylight’ reminds me when people who do care about me that I have to keep reaching the daylight or brightness from the darkness. ‘Im begging for forgiveness’, I tried many times but things are not very easy these days including in 2020s. ‘oh I love it and I hated at the same time.’

4- ‘Abyss’ -YUNGBLUD (2024)

This is one of the best songs I’ve ever heard in 2024! ‘I can’t stop the monster, I lose my control— could someone please save my life?” I felt related about that mental health and trauma is nothing but a monster inside me that I’m trouble to control them.

5- ‘Nobody’- One Republic (2024)

This is another best songs ever in 2024! This is a very fun and happy-go-time song. I always listening when I’m having a good time or having a good mood. A big thanks to Kaiju No.8 for making awesome songs both opening and ending for the series!

6- “where’s my love’- SYML (2019)

When I thought about this song, it felt like when I was feeling lost/lonely after the people I adore were too busy for their lives—whenever if I was ghosted or excluded from the long distance Friends.

7- ‘Purple Rain’ - Prince (1984)

I know I did the last beat challenge before with this song. I couldn’t help it. This is really one of the best reflecting songs about grief and loss. That includes disconnections, betrayed by someone, on/off relationships with friends, & family, even ourselves, and of course, it’s also about the loss of our loved ones.

8- ‘Je te laisserai des mots’ - Patrick Wilson(2010)

I felt deeply with this song. I have just researched that ‘Je te laosserai des mots’ means ‘I will leave you words’. The entire music is always being like a movie in real life.

9- ‘My Love Mine All Mine’- Mitski(2023)

I've been obsessed with this song since 2023- I couldn’t resist! I know everyone felt related about song for many reasons and knowing that I wasn’t alone. ‘Nothing in the world belongs to me….Nothing in the world is mine for free’- I always kept thinking about it every day since I became a major burden to everyone in years.

10- ‘TV’ - Billie Eilish(2022)

These lyrics hit me— ‘maybe I’m the problem’ over and over again—- I mean how much I feel after I went through In years.

11-‘Apocalypse’ - Cigarettes After Sex(2017)

This song was exactly like that! I visualized myself about what the apocalypse looks like since the hellish cult since 2016, Covid-19, and the hatred had won (from the election) again..

12- ‘As the World Caves in’- Matt Maltese(2018)

This song is really relatable to me. It’s just like me— I’ve been in the small cave and isolated a lot including pandemic in 2020’s. I’ve mostly focused about finding a support group after my new diagnosis but I still feeling lost—‘it’s you I watch TV- —yes, it’s you I welcome death with—-as the world caves in’. I also feel lost recently and thought about this song.

13- ‘listen before I go’- Billie Eilish(2019)

When I listening this song, I felt inside when I was heartbroken, lonely, or lost. I wish my apology was enough or matter to the ones I love them.

14- ‘Crying, Laughing, Loving, Lying’- Labi Siffre(1972)

I began to love this song since I watched ‘The Holdovers’ in late Christmas 2023 to early 2024. Also, a good road trip song! It also reminded me when I tried to have a good times while I was crying(emotional issues or I need to let it out), laughing(have sense of humor or enjoyed the conservations), feeling loved(felt appreciated and have compassionate), and/or lied some(I’m terrible with lying-it’s one of my weaknesses). Very delightful song!

15- ‘America’ - Brina Palencia(2024)

I really adore Brina Palencia since High school and college. This song perfect! Most powerful and reflections song after I felt betrayed by America since 2016 and then, 2024 was even more devastating to all of us.

16- ‘I can’t Handle Change’- Roar(2010)

‘I know it’s not your fault’— I have to keep believe these words that it’s never my fault that I’m still struggling. I’ve had a hard time about change, because of the bad things. I know change can be a real struggle to deal with due from my problems and therapy I went through since pandemic.

17- ‘Stressed Out’- Twenty One Pilots(2015)

Yes, I get stressed out a lot! ‘But, now I’m insecure, and I care what people think...Wish we could turn back time—to the good old days..’ Those words I still wish I can go back like I wish I could’ve met some people in pandemic more like I want to know them and understand them better. It feels like it’s already too late.

18- ‘Running up that Hill(A Deal With God)- Kate Bush(1985)

I couldn’t stop loving this song - very powerful movement! Exactly same thing from the Stranger Things when I want it to run and be free from my dark world as I can in order to embrace myself. This is another strong music with great escapism from all the pain. The best version is when Kate Bush was in the live show with David Gilmour(From Pink Floyd).

19-‘bad idea!’ - girl in red(2019)

Im glad I listened this song! I get that when there’s something is wrong and it turned out that it was a bad idea.

20- ‘Nobody’ - Mitski(2018)

I began to fond of this song since almost ten years ago. I do want to be supported, seen, heard, and appreciated—-I know nobody wants me or nobody will save me because they want me to save myself and focus myself more. Sadly, nobody knows how much I’m in pain but my flaws.. This is not as easy as everyone think!

21- ‘Dark Paradise’ - Lana Del Rey(2012)

I know this is kind of dark, especially this lyric- ‘tell me everything was fine, but I wish i was dead’. Yeah, I’ve been through lot of darkest and suicidal thoughts for over 20 years(middle school). It was negative from some others and it was also the biggest stigma of this topic due from the society and shame I went.

22- ‘You are Enough’- Sleeping At Last(2014)

This is song is very sweet and cheerful. I have to keep repeating myself, especially when some people who cared about me-’You Are Enough!”

23-‘ Numb’- Linkin Park(2003)

I have been fond of this song ever since high school. I felt numb so deeply during that when I was isolated and disconnected from the pain I went though. I always get so numb when I couldn’t stop crying, my heart was heavy/broken/empty, or I’ve been hurt so much— and yes, this year has already been fallen apart— right in front of me.

Check out my playlist if you’re interested to listen -