Music 🎶

My first ever experience of music was Northern Soul.

I would be around 9 years old in the “Care System “ as my mum couldn’t cope with us. My sister and I went to Holly House in the hills far away from “home.”It was pretty alright when you got used to the routine you had to follow. They had a converted Garage as a dance disco common room. And this was my real first memory of soul and Jazz. You can’t hurry love by the supremes was my favorite, as I had met a boy ( I know 9! I was infatuated) All my childhood if anything happened with my mum going out and us not knowing where or when she was to return would be a “Grunt “ from my stepfather that she had run away with a blackman. So I had been brought up to believe Black people were Bad. I had never met a black person until I went to Holly House and when I was dancing and singing to my track You can’t hurry Love , I swear my feet left the ground at one point. Northern soul and Jazz you couldn’t pull me away from it.

I was getting exausted when out of the corner of my eye I saw there was a boy staring at me, he was black, I looked and my heart started racing and I looked for a quick exit. I was frightened of him because he was a black boy, turning into a black man. I went back to my dormitory and just layed on my bed.

The next day I went into the music room and there he was again. His eyes so wide looking like they were going to pop out of his head.

I caught my breath and went inside, he came over and introduced himself, Toby please to meet you, what is your name ?

Dawn I replied, we began to chat and he grew a fondness for me, you know when you can feel it in the soul in your stomach, eventually I would get butterflies 🦋 and really enjoyed his company. One day I got really brave and asked if I could just feel his skin as I had never shook a black boys hand before and he had really shiny skin. It was greasy and I told him why is your skin greasy when white skin is not. He replied we usually come from a very hot country so our skin has to weather the sun we have, unlike here in England. I really looked forward to our meet ups in the common room. we used to dance together and he was an excellent dancer, and the Song was so appropriate’you can’t hurry love’

“We are family I’ve got all my sisters and me “ was the next song that had a big impact in my life.

My sisters and I would all stand in the living room and really sing and connect with this song, I would be there in the middle with my hairbrush singing and dancing. My middle sister and I used to come home for the weekend, well every other weekend and then that was if my mum hadn’t made an excuse for us not to be able to come “home“ . It was the only time I remember; the love and connection we shared with this song and it actually brings tears to my eyes, that we didn’t spend much time together growing up. I still think it’s a shame how families can grow apart growing up, rather than growing together.

Ain’t no mountain high enough, this was another song that brings mixed emotions , yes another boy Mathew , I met him when my sister and I were mucking out the horses. His parents owned the farm that we kept the Horses on.

I was completely besotted with him, I was around 11 and we used to sit in the hay talking about how if he saved up , we could run away together.

I used to just sit in the common room and listen to it and think of him, I had an idea. I would write and send my pocket money to him at the farm. Only it went terribly wrong, his mother got the envelope and opened it , read the letter and and the 1.20 pence inside. Well she wrote a very serious letter to the Owners of the “care” home and I got put on the “ black” list there it is again the name of our punishment. I couldn’t go home for a month and I was barred out of the common room, so basically all I had was a living room and television. It was torture as I was broken hearted- which leads me to my next vynl ‘What becomes of a broken hearted.

I played this as silent tears rolled down my cheeks, apparently Toby had told his mum I had been stalking him and coming up with a daft notion we were going to run away together. I felt betrayed and embarrassed 😞 I really was broken hearted , and wanted to know how to make it better and I listened to this track until I knew it off by heart. Eventually I forgot about Toby and playing monopoly with the owners Son Mathew and sister Patsy , I was terrible if I was loosing, I would like ‘Fagan’ just dip my hand in the till and help myself when passing go, only I would take a chunk of notes. I thought it was hillarious, but I was too soon change my mind, when Mathew went crying to his father and told him I had cheated.

I sneaked into the large kitchen where the cook was preparing Dinner, when the owner Mr Bracken came in asked cook where I was; came straight up to me and slapped me right across the kitchen and it bloody hurt. Oh how I cried, Cook comforted me and didn’t agree with his actions but he just, smirked and walked off. This was all in my childhood growing up.

I had a bit of a reputation as I am now introducing my next boy friend Nicholas Bazele never forget everyone was really against him. I was 13 now and I used to see and hang out with him and all the lads on the weekends I came home.

We used to go walking all over Glossop fields from Gamesly . He was into glue sniffing and drinking, so we’re the others.

So in retaliation I used to blast this song 6 hours a day at home, I still know it word for word. I loved him and we were going to be together forever. He then began to start asking me to steal money out of my mums purse , I didn't like doing it, but did it because I didn’t want to loose him despite what everyone else was saying about him. I was besotted and delusional.

I was walking to the shops on Gamesly to get Mum some errands when I saw Nicholas with another girl Kising, my heart ripped apart and bled all over.

which leads me to my next song , ‘walk on by’

I played this song over and over, I think I know most songs from the 60s upwards word for word. But the words were so apt , if you see me crying in the street, walk on by . Well that summed it up ‘walk on good bye.‘

I’m in my 20’s now and in a friendship with my next door neighbours brother. We used to fight like cat and dog at times but we very close.

He explained all about how he has been celebate for 6 years , has a daughter same age as my daughter. Lives with his mum and Dad, I mentioned going to the Bingo one night and he said NO absolutely not , you go but I’m not. So I lost my date he left and I had crazy Phil here pecking my head.

Eventually he asked me out, to drive up to a scenic view and have a drink up werneth Low.

well that went disastrously wrong, complete misunderstanding, I thought he was calling me a loose woman, insulting me.

But no he was actually calling me intelligent. So a song brought us together, I heard it on the radio it was by Janet Jackson ‘That’s the way love goes.

I asked his sister karen next door to give it to him and we had another date, this time I cooked him a meal at my house, he brought flowers and wine and we made up, got married and had a child together, he was my twin flame, tragically he passed away 16 years later of a massive heart attack but he lives on in his son.

Thank you for taking the time to read thro my Journey in life.