It's Happening to Everybody

At some point in everyone’s life, whether it is past, present, or twenty years from now, it will happen. When it happens, one will know it. They will feel its presence in their very being and they may be frightened and reject it, or they will welcome it with open arms. That is the message musician and producer Hayden Anhedönia is presenting with her brand new and highly anticipated EP, Perverts, released via her label Daughters of Cain Records. A step away from her brand of storytelling and writing seen with her debut album Preacher’s Daughter, this nine track collection instead configures dark ambience and droning instrumentals which chronicle the very meaning and burden, even, of existence. Channeling inspiration from sounds of the natural world, lust, sex, aching and just about every emotion on the human scale, Anhedönia pulls no punches during the entirety of the EP’s ninety minute runtime, with some listeners already not recommending a listen while inebriated nor sitting idly in a dark room. Some would say, however, that that is exactly the point. They should feel uneasy and uncomfortable, or even that there is a presence waiting with them as the sounds of Perverts flood their eardrums.

The origin and most consequential motif of Perverts lies within a subject conceived by Anhedönia she calls "the ring.” In a November 2023 video titled ‘the ring, the great dark, and proximity to god,’ Anhedönia dissects a concept she assembled following a visit to Three Sisters Island at Niagara Falls while driving from Toronto to Pittsburgh. She recalls standing by the great waterfalls, listening to a song with headphones for over three hours and citing, “This is what God feels like.” On the drive home, she sketches a diagram of a ring with different segments; her own version of a mixing chart, noted with specific intervals consisting of instrumentals such as guitar, bass, and harmonies.

As described by Anhedönia, the ring represents a full spectrum of frequencies when listening to music, as well as a portal of enlightenment and elevation. “Everyone looks for a ring in their life,” Anhedönia notes, “Some seek it out more than others, willingly or unwillingly.” When the ring is activated, one experiences a full range of frequencies, which creates a “pull.” The Pull, as explained by Anhedönia, is the process of music pulling one's soul out of their natural body from the Great Dark. The Great Dark is the plane of everyday life where everyone on Earth resides, and represents a general state of anxiety, confusion, and anticipation of the future. “We are all wanderers in the Great Dark,” Anhedönia points out as written in her diagram, “We all strive to invoke the ring.” As one’s soul is pulled through the cycle of the ring, they reach the climax Anhedönia labels as a “sigh,”, where one experiences the rush of climbing a great wave on the frequencies, bleeding into the moment where they reach the Divine Theater. The Divine Theater can be reached through different means and entryways other than music, such as drugs, sex, or even consumption of food. It is where God itself resides, or a higher calling beyond anything anyone has ever known. “It’s something that feels beyond yourself,” Anhedönia articulates, “It’s a connection to something greater than yourself, something that encompasses and holds you. It’s the euphoria and ecstasy of being spiritually enlightened.” This elevated responsiveness when reaching the Divine Theater is equally desired as it is terrifying, for any metaphysical link to a higher being is on the edge of the unexplored. “You never want to be one with God,” Anhedönia expresses in regards to this vast connection, “Tearing through the veil and becoming one with God is an unknown and discouraged experience.” True ascension of oneself can indeed be alarming, which is why Anhedönia cautions this through her concept of the ring. The Divine Theater can be an exhilarating experience, yes, but to the point where it almost feels shameful.

Far beneath the Great Dark where humanity resides, lies “The Hole,” a region of darkness and despair. Anhedönia describes The Hole as a place where even she has gone for periods of time, but never for a permanent residence, as it is somewhere no one should want to spend a great deal of time. One may enter a state of perpetual thinking while in The Hole and even find some inspiration, but the inviting darkness will eventually pull someone down. If one neglects to remain vigilant while in The Hole, they will forever sink into “The Maze,” a place of wandering, confusion, and delusion. Anhedönia describes that The Maze is very much a real and inhospitable place and one to which individuals with mental illness are susceptible. While the entire concept of the Great Ring may sound malevolent, the outcome can indeed be beautiful and transcendent, for Anhedönia has even said herself, “The ring is not a threat, it’s a promise.”

First teased during Anhedönia’s latest tour, this EP has been a long time in the making. Before initiating a cleanse of her Instagram profile to make way for her Perverts announcement, Anhedönia chronicled her journeys to the deepest, darkest parts of the American East or wherever her inspiration would take her, one such example being the sound of rushing water at Three Sisters Island at Niagara Falls, according to one of Anhedönia’s tumblr asks. With instrumentals provided by longtime collaborator Matthew Tomasi, along with Angel Diaz, Bryan De Leon and Madeline Johnston, Perverts certainly haunts listeners from start to finish with its frigid, immersive sound. Perverts opens with its title track, which commences with a grainy rendition of “Nearer, My God, To Thee,” which was also played during the opening of Anhedönia’s 2024 Childish Behaviour Tour, accompanied with strobe visuals. In the same track, the Chrisitian hymn ceases, and what follows is the sound of the lonely dark, dragging in listeners with a dreadful grip, along with the phrase “Heaven has forsaken the masturbator” over and over again. In practice, masturbation is used to achieve brief yet needed pleasure and enlightenment, yet it is looked down upon in religion. The idea of Heaven forsaking those who masturbate to feel bliss, or to be closer to God, even, seems almost a tragedy. The opening track drones on for just over twelve minutes, setting the mood and confiscating listeners in a new world, and finally ends with what the entire EP is trying to tell humanity; “it’s happening to everybody.”

The second track of Perverts, “Punish,” was previously released as the lead single back at the beginning of November 2024. It was one of the two songs from the EP Anhedönia had performed last year as her stage persona Ethel Cain, evoking excitement from fans longing to hear the follow-up to her first album, Preacher’s Daughter. This work, however, is different from her debut in more ways than one. Anhedönia has said herself, both in interviews and on Tumblr, that Perverts would not be connected to the lore of the character Ethel Cain in any way, shape, or form. “I’m very interested in character studies,” she says in an interview with Vogue Magazine, “Working on this new project, I wanted to take a step away from the solo narrative Preacher’s Daughter was built around and branch out into some other things.” With this in mind, the lyrics of “Punish” hint that an individual suffers from something within them, noting, “Nature chews on me, little death like lead. Poisonous and heavy, it has always been this way.” The punishment in question could represent punishment of the self due to desires deemed unnatural or unwanted by oneself. According to her Tumblr, Anhedönia notes that the track is about “a pedophile who was shot by the child’s father and now lives in exile where he physically maims himself to stimulate the bullet wound.” The song also references the real life case of Gary Plauché, a man from Baton Rouge who infamously shot and killed the alleged molester of his young son in 1984. The chorus of the track rings out with Anhedönia’s haunting vocals, with the phrase “I am punished by love” emphasizing a sense of guilt and dread brought on by the cost of love itself.

Listeners have no chance to catch their breath before they are suddenly thrust into the next track of the EP, titled “Houseofpsychoticwomn,” the title being taken from House of Psychotic Women: An Autobiographical Topography of Female Neurosis in Horror and Exploitation Films, written by Kier-La Janisse. According to the book’s online homepage, it entails how the female mind onscreen often suffers from “crippling paranoia, desperate loneliness, masochistic death-wishes, dangerous obsessiveness, and apocalyptic hysteria.” The track derived from this book hints at nothing less than exactly that, with a sound one would hear in the world of a horror film like Longlegs or Skinamarink. The thirteen minute long piece utters the eerie words “I love you” at the opening and closing, drawing similarities to the chilling song “Ptolemaea” from Preacher’s Daughter. The same low spoken voice cites losing something not quite known by listeners and awaiting its return, as well as how magnificent it is to be loved. Love is what bridges most of the Perverts tracks together, as it will be elaborated further on in this essay.

Things take a calmer tone in “Vacillator,” the fourth track of the collection. A slow, steady beat draws in Anhedönia’s low vocals, beckoning for an unknown subject in sexual undertones. “I could make you cum twenty times a day,” she serenades over drums provided by Matthew Tomasi, soon followed by the central phrase of the song, “If you love me, keep it to yourself.” This ideology of hiding one’s love for another may bleed into the concept of fear within this track; a fear of love in general or fear of being a burden upon the knowledge of being loved. One might even say that love is a curse. With the definition of ‘vacillator’ being someone who is indecisive or resolute, the lyrics may also hint at an individual not even wanting this knowledge of having some kind of importance to someone else.

“Onanist” and “Pulldrone” present themselves as sister tracks, both literally and sonically. The term ‘onanist’ is defined as someone who practices masturbation or commits acts thought to be sexually deviant, adding a layer to the already sexual nature of the EP. The first half or so of “Onanist” features soft keys being played over a steady stream of white noise, until Anhedönia rolls into the scene in an echoed whisper, beckoning, “I want to know love, I want to know what it feels like.” Blaring static soon follows for some time, until it finally quiets down enough for a sighing voice to tempt listeners, “It feels good.” It is questionable what is being referred to and why it feels blissful, whether it is a sexual climax being reached, or “it,” the very thing that is happening to everybody.

The sixth track, “Pulldrone,” opens with Anhedönia citing off the Twelve Pillars of Simulacrum, the keystones of the entire EP, which go as follows: Apathy, Disruption, Curiosity, Assimilation, Aggrandization, Delineation, Perversion, Resentment, Separation, Degradation, Annihilation, and Desolation. Anhedönia cites that these pillars originated from another literary inspiration for Perverts, a book titled Simulacra and Simulation by author Jean Baudrillard. In his work, Baudrillard explores the concept of ‘simulacra,’ a copy without an original, and how society and the human experiences are merely simulations of reality. “The concept of simulacrum just gripped me immediately,” Anhedönia previously revealed, “I found myself unable to experience life as it comes because I’m filtering it through the media I’ve consumed and considering it wrong when it doesn’t match. All the while, I feel helpless to stop it.” In this track specifically, an individual appears to be going through or has already gone through an immense state of change, as if their entire reality has been flipped. A metamorphosis has begun, with the final lyric of the song being “I am that I was as I no longer am for I am nothing.”

After a journey through the pillars, the EP brings us to the next two mainly instrumental tracks, “Etienne” and “Thatorchia.” With an eight minute runtime, “Etienne” is affixed with soft piano keys and guitar strums, all over the droning sounds of loneliness. The track itself is a remix of a previously released instrumental titled “006” on Anhedönia’s side project on SoundCloud, Ashmedai. Anhedönia also references French architect Étienne-Louis Boullée in the song title, noting him as an inspiration for the EP, stating, “I like to imagine him as the first person that even tried to conceptualize the temple of simulacrum’s architecture. He was a visionary to me in that way.” The song concludes with a spoken sermon from an unknown male voice, narrating the story of a suicidal man who wanted to induce a heart attack and simply ran night after night until the feeling of bliss was enough to make him not want to die anymore. On Tumblr, Anhedönia reveals that the origins of that story were from tapes she had purchased from the 1970’s/80’s, and the story of the running man is the one that stood out the most. This theme of joy and pleasure through inflicting pain on oneself is just one piece of the puzzle which is Perverts. Pain can be a form of punishment, and the question of why this man felt the need to act this way remains.

At the climax of the EP, listeners reach “Thatorchia,” a blaring piece of the collection which encapsulates the very sensation of a journey’s end, a hero’s fall, or a devastating event of one’s lore. A chorus of faded vocals ring through the latter half of the track, bringing to life the visceral emotions Perverts has brought about all along. During a recent streaming session on NTS Radio, Anhedönia answered fans’ questions about the EP and in reference to this track, she defined the song’s title as “the bitter acceptance of the knowledge that god will let you near but he won’t let you stay.” This, of course, refers directly to the act of the Divine Theater and reaching heights so very close to God, but any further may be strident to an individual. After all, tearing through the veil separating oneself from God is a highly discouraged act based on the ideology of the Ring.

Perverts closes with a fitting, somber sounding track called “Amber Waves,” a song perfectly encapsulating the feeling of letting something go after a journey through the cycle of the Ring. First teased in 2024 with a short clip alongside the caption ‘I keep the angel,’ the track chronicles a solitary person insisting they will be fine despite seeking desolation through drugs. Regarding the song, Anhedönia has noted the 1990 film The Reflecting Skin played a great part in its shaping, and has stated that ‘Amber’ in the track is “the personification of love cast aside to get high.” Through melancholy lyrics, the narrator describes an empty feeling after experiencing something so vast, longing to feel whole again. Such is the tragedy following the cycle of the Ring, the Sigh, the Pull, and the Divine Theater. They want to feel as close to God as they previously did but are hopelessly unable to do so, even through the use of drugs and/or alcohol. Following mournful guitar and a steady hum, listeners are left in silence after the closing words are uttered in their ears; “I can’t feel anything.”

The visuals of Perverts provide a bit more depth to the EP’s storytelling. Black, white and gray landscapes and back rooms are heavily explored by Anhedönia in this era. One such clip being a naked man masturbating with his back turned to the camera, and another being Anhedönia dancing hypnotically in a dark room wearing a “Gibson Girl”-esque outfit, the latter of which would later become the official music video for “Vacillator.” Sexuality, freedom, and perversion, again, are vital themes in the world which Anhedönia has created. In addition, during the rollout of the EP, Anhedönia shared her personal art account on Instagram (@avelarplosive). In dark charcoal and graphite sketches, she depicts new characters not seen before. One such new face is Vaude, who is drawn impaling himself on tree branches while wearing nothing but a pair of boots and crosses tattooed on his arms. Anhedönia clarified in the sketch’s caption that Vaude “wants to be closer to God,” which circles back to the significance of “Nearer, My God, To Thee” in the opening track. The very idea of hurting oneself to fulfill their desires, again, is a core theme of Perverts, and Vaude is clearly a physical manifestation of said desires.

Power lines provide themselves as another symbol in the lore surrounding Perverts. Not only has Anhedönia recently gotten power lines tattooed on her body and put out merchandise with the same entity, but in recent months, she has photographed numerous towers and pylons on her journeys through the American South and Midwest. Some longtime fans theorized that the unreleased song “Powerline Valley” would finally see the light of day, but Anhedönia was quick to shut down those rumors. “I don’t consider them [older songs] to be up to the quality of writing I would pride myself on today,” she wrote to a fan when asked on Tumblr, “but I do very much love them all dearly.” Power plants and smokestacks also hold great magnitude in the Perverts universe, with Anhedönia documenting her passion for that type of institution on her social media, particularly her YouTube channel. In a vlog titled “an introduction to temples,” the Bruce Mansfield Plant in Shippingport, Pennsylvania captures her eye, recording the industrial beast at numerous angles over a smooth, echoing ambient soundtrack. “I’ve always had a fascination with great brutalist structures,” she writes in an Instagram post from this past November, “but something about the smokestacks, cooling towers, and other twisted entrails of the power plants of Pennsylvania truly changed the way I see the world…Perverts wouldn’t exist without Bruce Mansfield and neither would the person I am today.”

Thus, by the conclusion of the nine track cycle, one can only wonder if such great intoxication and euphoria will reach them one day, or if it will caress them once more. Many will chase that feeling forever until the day they leave this realm, or others will simply await its return, but it may never arrive. Anhedönia has said herself that it will stop, such is life, and one would have to seek it out again and again, but there will be new consequences each time it happens. Perverts presents itself as the inevitable promise of what has been, what always will be, and what will happen.

It might just be happening right now.