Five of the worst songs of all time.

(Kokomo) by the Beach Boys

The song that became Kokomo was originally conceived by John Phillips of The Mamas and the Papas and Scott McKenzie of "San Francisco (Be sure to wear flowers in your hair)" fame. Mike Love of the Beach Boys wrote the songs annoyingly catchy chorus which name checks various islands. Former Byrds Producer, Terry Melcher added finishing touches and the final song was released on the soundtrack to the mediocre Tom Cruise film cocktail. Terry Melcher would be the producer on Kokomo. He had already had a long history with the Beach Boys, He had produced the Byrd's version of Bob Dylan's Mr. Tambourine Man using the famous "Wrecking Crew" of musicians favored by Beach Boys leader Brian Wilson to create the instrumental tracks. Melcher and Brian Wilson would become good enough friends that Terry was entrusted on tambourine parts on the songs "That's Not Me" and "God Only Knows" on the classic album Pet Sounds. He would introduce Brian to Van Dyke Parks who would become his lyricist on the infamous SMiLE project. Dennis Wilson would infamously ask Melcher to produce his friend at the time Charles Manson's songs but feeling uncomfortable about Manson, He decided not to produce him leading Manson to a vengeful state which would lead him to send his followers to murder 4 people at the house where Melcher had previously resided. One of the major reasons the song is so despised is that former group leader Brian Wilson was not involved in the writing and recording of the song at all. worse the success of Kokomo overshadowed the success of Brian's first solo album earlier that same year and it's lead single "Love and Mercy". In fairness Mike did apparently try to have Wilson involved in recording the song but was unable to thanks to the interference of Wilson's infamous Psychologist at the time Dr. Eugene Landy who would also probably have unreasonably asked for a songwriting credit.

In addition to the participating Beach Boys on the track, The performers on the track include legendary session drummer Jim Keltner, Acoustic guitar by Jeffrey Foskett who had been in the Beach Boys touring band for nearly a decade at that point. Most perplexing of all, playing accordion on the track is none other than Brian's SMiLE lyricist Van Dyke Parks. Why he would want to be involved with a project so closely associated with Love is a mystery to me considering Love's famous criticism of the SMiLE project and specifically his hatred of Parks' lyrics. The music video for the song was shot outside the then-new Grand Floridian Resort at Walt Disney World. In the video John Stamos of late 80s/early 90s sitcom "Full House" is shown playing percussion. His presence in the Beach Boys world has been a point of contentions since the aforementioned Jeffrey Foskett introduced Stamos to Mike Love in the early 80s who then decided to incorporate Stamos as a part-time drummer in the band in 1985.

"The Night Chicago Died" by Paper Lace

This song which supposedly inspired Bruce Springsteen to be a songwriter because "He couldn't do worse than this" written by Peter Callender and Mitch Murray and performed by the British band Paper Lace is notable for it's factual inaccuracies (There is no east side of Chicago) absurd lyrics ("A hundred cops are dead") and of course that the event depicted in the song never actually happened and was just inspired by vague notions and cliches based on old gangster movies from the 1930s. Nevertheless The song was a major hit in the summer of 1974 and went gold.

(Disco Duck) by Rick Dees And His Cast Of Idiots.

Probably the strangest hit single of all time. Disco Duck was the brainchild of Memphis Tennessee Disc Jockey Rick Dees. The basic gist of the song is that Dees knew someone who could do a very convincing Donald Duck impersonation. Why the always hyper-litigious "Walt Disney Productions" at the time did not decide to go after it is anybody's guess. The song was inexplicably a number 1 hit in the fall of 1976. It was so popular in fact that a sequel song Discorilla was released a few months later by Dees but mercifully was not as successful.

(Wonderful Christmastime) by Paul McCartney

Paul McCartney is without doubt a musical genius. His work with the Beatles is legendary. He and I share a favorite song of all time (God Only Knows by The Beach Boys) and was the primary author of the only song I can remember which at one point in my life could bring me to tears just by hearing it. (Eleanor Rigby) However by the late 1970s his output with Wings were slowly becoming more and more embarrassing with songs like "Silly Love Songs" and "Let Em, In" which were commercially successful but pretty stupid on their face. McCartneys Christmas song "Wonderful Christmastime" released in November of 1979 with it's painfully simplistic lyrics and nauseating overuse of synthesizers is so grating that it was voted the "Worst Christmas song of all time." Now, I am not expecting a completely serious or religious Christmas song by a man who in a key lyric in one of his key songs is "No one was saved!". What is interesting is that his former songwriting partner, John Lennon who was much more obviously and vehemently against religion actually created a far better Christmas song (Happy Christmas, (War Is Over) back in 1971.

All-Star by Smashmouth

This song released in 1999 seemed to be everywhere for the next two years in everything from commercials to the 2001 Animated Film, Shrek. Nevertheless The lyrics seem really stupid to me and the instrumentation is far too synthesizer-heavy for my taste.

Bonus: God Only Knows by The Beach Boys.

My favorite song ever and a work of genius. God bless Brian Wilson (1942-2025) for creating it.

This article is my submission for the "Do your Worst" unofficial challenge.