Drawer Bitch

[Intro – Bouncy with synth chirps and kazoo stabs]

[Sound: motel AC groan, distant TV static, soft vibrator noise ramping up]

[Beat drops in with clap-clap rhythm]

[Spoken – hyper chipper tone]

Hi kids! Are you ready to B-U-Z-Z?

Today we’re learning about haunted pleasure tech!

Yaaaay!

-

[Group chant – call and response, kids' chorus + vocoder echo]

B! U! Z-Z-Z!

Drawer bitch is back with me!

V! I! B-R-8!

She’s got feelings! She won’t wait!

-

[Verse 1 – Call & response with claps]

Who’s in the drawer?

Buzz buzz buzz!

Who’s got a roar?

Buzz buzz buzz!

Who’s pink and mad and slightly cursed?

Drawer bitch! And she’s the worst!

-

She’s got buttons!

Press press press!

She’s got power!

Yes yes yes!

She buzzes left and twitches right

And she knows what you did last ni~ight!

-

[Chorus – Bubblegum bassline with over-the-top vocals]

Buzz! Buzz! Drawer Bitch!

Sitting with a Bible and a stale breadstick!

Buzz! Buzz! Drawer Bitch!

Plug her in and she’ll do a trick!

-

Round and round and back again

Battery’s low but she’s got friends!

Moan like a ghost! Squeal like a pig!

Drawer bitch don’t care if your shame is big!

-

Buzz! Buzz! Who’s that toy?!

Not for girls and not for boys

She’s for sadness, rage, and tea

And she charges on USB!

-

[Verse 2 – Whispered build with toy piano + slap bass]

[Repeat twice, build up]

She used to be sacred

Oooooooh

She used to be clean

Oooooooh

Now she just stares at the popcorn ceiling

And haunts the housekeeping team

-

Chad used her

No no no

Craig cried her

Go go go

A lesbian biker named Ghost Elaine

Gave her a name—and now she reigns

-

[Chorus – Modulate up to G Major, full glitchy meltdown]

Buzz! Buzz! Drawer Bitch!

Glowing like a neon witch

Buzz! Buzz! Nightstand star

Dreams in latex, trauma in a jar

-

Up! Down! Thrust and twitch!

She’s a heartbreak in a silicone glitch

Spin like a dial! Hum like a lie!

Drawer bitch gonna ride,

till you cry!

-

[Bridge – Educational rap with vocoder and sound effects]

Did you know?

A haunted object can carry feelings

Like jealousy!

Betrayal!

Postcoital gloom!

-

She’s an artifact of modern sin

With ergonomic curves and a devilish grin

You left her in a drawer but she never left you

Now she’s humming through your Bluetooth tooth

-

[Final Chorus – Explosive, layering glitch harmonies and kazoo choirs]

Buzz! Buzz! Drawer Bitch!

Takes no shade and makes no switch

Cackles from her button panel

Whispers dirty through your flannel

-

She’s your queen! Your plug! Your shame!

She knows your code! She knows your name!

She’ll sync her vibe to your darkest itch

And call you out, you basic bitch!

-

[Outro – Soft descending buzz, click-off sound]

Buzz buzz... slap, buzz... see you next sleepover...

I’m waiting in the drawer… with… ewww secrets…

Click me back on, slut.

-

[Sound: vibrator fades into toy xylophone, one triumphant BUZZ]

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The Song

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The Context

If you just read the lyrics—or gods help you, listened to the song—then you already know: this wasn’t written to prove anything. It’s unhinged. It’s filthy. It’s fun.

What started as a joke—"What if a dildo left in a motel drawer became haunted because everyone used it?"—spiraled into a full-blown pop anthem with kazoo stabs, demented energy, and a chorus that sticks like regret on motel sheets.

Drawer Bitch is your neon-lit shame sponge. She’s been cried on, ridden, blessed by a biker witch, and now she sings in glitchy glory. She’s not trying to teach you anything—except maybe that sin can sparkle, and haunted objects deserve theme songs too.

You weren’t supposed to take it seriously.

But now it lives in your head, doesn't it?

Buzz buzz, baby.

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PS. Suno for performance. I tried so hard to make it do female vocals, but it just wouldn't obey. Otherwise, did a bloody good job, don't you think?