Don’t Judge Me

“I’m afraid of it all, afraid of loving you.” Janelle Monáe croons on So Afraid, the penultimate song of her Grammy nominated LP, 2018’s Dirty Computer. In a rare moment, specifically reserved for special records, I find myself welling up with tears. Monáe’s Dirty Computer album is full of charm, wit, sass, political satire, racial inequality, queerness, and more. But, this lyrical moment is a beautiful display of what makes Janelle Monáe so special and such an influential figure in music and Black culture. She perfectly encapsulates the feelings and frustrations of those society labels as outcasts.

This gender bending songwriter first showed up in my life during the 61st Grammy Awards. I was instantly captivated by her dazzling dancing, vivacious vocals, and playful persona. Truthfully, as shocking and downright moronic as it sounds, this was my first time truly paying attention to a black artist. Growing up as a Puertorican on the northeast side of the United States, I found myself face to face with two choices. Either embrace my roots and become a fan of reggaetón and salsa music or submerge myself into the country pop that was popular in Pennsylvania. I chose the latter. Janelle Monáe opened my eyes to an entire new culture and sound and my life has never been the same since.

However, psychedelic soul wasn’t the only thing Janelle brought to my life. Through her activism and politically charged music, I became aware of the struggles of African Americans and found myself identifying with them. The same discrimination they were facing in their schools, jobs, social groups, et cetera; I was facing it too, as a Hispanic living in America. I became deeply affected by our mutual struggles, yet saw hope in this new found solidarity. I realized that by speaking out against the injustice perpetuated against African Americans that I would be able to bring about change for all peoples of color. I began to educate myself more on our shared issues and the ones that seem to apply to one group or the other. This led to a change in my political views and a finding of my powerful new voice.

Furthermore, in Monáe’s brash and unapologetic music, I found the strength to pursue my true identity. Ever since I could remember, I’ve always known I was physically and romantically attracted to other men. It was a truth that I struggled with for the better part of a decade. As a Christian and of Puertorican lineage, I’ve always been told that homosexuality is a sin or unmanly. This, in turn, drove me down a dark and often time painful road. I was also at odds with the way media and the LGBTQIA community portrayed itself, meaning I truly felt like I didn’t belong anywhere. Then, I discovered Janelle Monáe and felt a paradigm shift. She was colorful, yet muted. Spectacular, yet effortless. Poetic, yet understandable. In simpler terms, she was everything I wanted to be.

Janelle Monáe wasn’t just a role model for how I wanted to be in life. She was also incredibly influential on my progression as an aspiring songwriter. Taylor Swift taught me to write and sing my truth, but Janelle taught me to have it mean something. I started writing about politics and identity issues. Songs about letters I wish I had been brave enough to send to my church. She showed me that I could write about what truly mattered to me and that it could sound and look cool while doing it.

It’s crazy to think that as accomplished as Janelle is in her career; she’s still only 35 years old. She still has decades to continue inspiring generations with her trailblazing spirit. A true pioneer in the arts and activism Monáe’s contributions to music, film, Black culture, and my life cannot be understated. She perfectly embodies the bravery of African Americans and continues to prove that the world does not move without Black voices.