Dear Love, I Hate You

It’s only fitting that a holiday that’s supposed to be all about love occurs during the darkest, harshest, and most desolate season of the entire year. Winter means a lot of things to a lot of people, and so does love. When I think about love, I think about disappointment, self-loathing, betrayal, unrealistic expectations, advice from people who have zero idea what they’re talking about, among many other things. I will say that I was not considered a ladies’ man growing up, and while my luck with women has been marginally better since I’ve gotten to college, I am still here, counting the ways and examples that show me I am destined to die alone. As music has been a massive comfort to me over the years, I have become somewhat of a expert on songs suitable for when you’re in a corner hating yourself. There are many songs that deserve mention on a list like this (WAY too many to list, in fact), but I managed to create a list that I feel perfectly encapsulates what it means to hate love, and what it means to hate Valentine’s Day.

For the sake of simplicity, I have separated this list into neat categories in order to accurately describe my feelings about this holiday through music. It’s a horrible oversimplification of all the amazing anti-love songs that have come out in history, and this isn’t an “All-Time Best” list. These are just songs that have impacted me in a way I’d like to share so that we can all be sad together. What better way to start the list off than with.......

The End Of A Relationship

Something I’ve come to realize while writing this list is that when it comes to music, the best relationship songs tend to be about really crappy ones. As I have never been in a relationship, but have also observed the states of other ones, most of what I know about relationships comes from my imagination, second-hand accounts, and gossip. Going of off what I know strictly, I can safely conclude that 95% of relationships suck and don’t work out in the end. My morbid curiosity is admittedly most at ease when listening to the tales of folks who are just as unhappy as I am.

”The Knowing” by The Weeknd - As The Weeknd reveals to his lover his knowledge of her unfaithfulness, he talks with a strange, somewhat unnerving calmness that descends into raw despair as the song crescendos. He coldly taunts his soon-to-be ex-girlfriend with his own tales of infidelity and tells her she isn’t ......satisfying to him anymore, to keep it safe for work. Over the course of the song, he repeatedly tells her that while she probably believed he’d be destroyed by her betrayal, he actually is having the time of his life; because he was rendered completely numb by the pain he has endured by women like her. The music video visualizes this in horrifying detail. One of The Weeknd’s greatest songs.

”Radio Silence” by James Blake - James Blake has always demonstrated an immaculate, and frankly concerning, ability to turn his melancholy into sound. “Radio Silence” is no exception: as the title suggests, it is about a lack of communication. In a beautiful cacophony of synth, Blake tries, unsuccessfully, to reach his love and salvage his relationship, when it is abundantly obvious the woman is pulling away, and no longer wishes to be with him.

”Pray You Catch Me” by Beyoncé - Whereas the last two songs are about the final death throes of a relationship, this one focuses on the beginning of the end. The intro track of Lemonade sees Beyoncé eavesdropping on her husband, Jay-Z, as she correctly suspects him of infidelity. She is hoping, praying, even, that Jay-Z realizes what is happening so he won’t be caught off-caught when she makes a whole album about what a monster he is. In what is easily one of the most iconic moments in all of modern music history, Beyoncé kicks off an overall diss so brutal it probably made Nas blush.

”Go On Without You” by Shirley Murdock - Now, I’m not going to say that women can’t take accountability for their mistakes. Such a blanket statement would be offensive to the opposite sex, and I’m not here to start fights. What I’m saying is that the women I HAVE dealt with have never took accountability for what they did; not even uttering so much as an apology. Which is why when I discovered this song years ago, it gave me a small glimmer of hope for humanity. Murdock’s incredible voice skirts across amazingly 80’s R&B production as she begs her man to stay with her, and the musical composition of the chorus is truly something to behold.

”Slow Dancing In The Dark” by Joji - Joji, first introduced to the world as Filthy Frank, made his name with disgusting humor while also teasing a tremendous talent for talent. Turns out that weird people also are some of the most talented people walking the Earth. Who knew? Anyway, the man formerly known as Frank tells a gripping story about two people wrapping up a physically pleasing, yet ultimately loveless relationship. Apparently competing for her attention with another man, Joji eventually quits and sets his girlfriend free, all the while knowing that she likely will not be coming back.

Unrequited Love

The idea of loving someone who doesn’t love you back is one of the most-worn concepts in all of songwriting, and when used correctly, there aren’t many topics that are stronger. We are an social species. We need connections in order to survive. When we are rejected by someone we want in our life, it can feel like worse than being shot, and if we’re going off of that logic, I should’ve died a while ago.

“Black” by Pearl Jam - We’re starting this section with one of the greatest rock songs ever made. The song is somewhat tame in the beginning, though it is still very, very good. This tranquility is tossed completely out the window when the outro comes around, as Eddie Vedder bellows at the top of his lungs about the apple of his eye as she chooses someone else. ”I know someday you’ll have a beautiful life/I know you’ll be a star/In SOMEBODY else’s sky/BUT WHY?! WHY?! WHYYY- “ No, get it together.

”Wish You Were Gay” by Billie Eilish - Billie Eilish has been criticized by some (including me) for being too edgy for her own good. But in this instance, she captured the spirit of teenage rejection almost perfectly. Building upon an brilliant, and hilarious, songwriting scheme based off the 12-step program, she finds herself, in an wonderfully juvenile way, literally that wishing her crush was gay so that she could have closure on why he doesn’t like her, as he doesn’t provide an explanation. Interestingly, the boy she wrote the song about discovered he was gay through listening to it. Billie laughed it off while explaining the song’s meaning, and I’m not sure I could’ve handled it with that much grace. For that matter, I’m not sure she did either. Hope she’s alright.

“I Won’t“ by H.E.R - There have been an uncountable amount of songs written about love that is not recipicated, but not many of them have the subject as the receiver of said love. That is what makes the next few songs very unique. H.E.R, real name Gabi Wilson, who seems to have already dealt with advances from the song’s inspiration, coldly shuts him down at every turn, claiming through the chorus that no matter how hard he tries, he “can’t make me love you if I won’t”. As harsh as that sounds, it gets, far, far worse from here.

”FRIENDS” by Anne-Marie & Marshmello - ”You say you love me/I say you’re crazy”; well, THAT can’t be a good omen for whoever this song‘s about. And it’s not; Anne-Marie literally wrote the song as a message for a long-time friend who resorted to stalking her. It is NEVER OKAY TO STALK ANYONE, folks. Always remember that. However, with that being said......how embarrassing is it to have your crush turn your affections into a worldwide smash hit? This is actually having the entire world laugh at you. I‘ve dealt with some very harsh rejections, but.....dude.

”SAVAGE ANTHEM” by PARTYNEXTDOOR - Now it’s about to get really unnecessary. My generation prides itself on being as heartless and as vicious as possible, decency and consideration be damned. At the beginning of his career, PARTYNEXTDOOR drew comparisons to fellow Torontian The Weeknd, which didn’t make that much sense because PARTY’s music is normally much warmer and much more romantic than the latter. This song, though.....Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. The last two don’t compare at all when it comes to ruthlessness, and considering that one of them was called, and I’m not making this up, “The Friendzone Anthem”, that really is saying a lot. Hell, it puts Rihanna‘s “Needed Me” to shame. PARTY is disgustingly rude on this song, so much so that I’m not even going to tell you what he says due to it being a near-endless onslaught taunts and insults. It’s almost as if he’s actively trying to break this poor girl‘s heart. I’m just going to make you listen to it. And make you wince as you do.

”Half A Person” by The Smiths - It is really unfortunate that Morrissey is a xenophobe, because he has played a part in making some of the greatest music of all-time. As it would so happen, most of the band’s songs have something to do with the women in his life wanting nothing to do with him. One of these is “Half A Person”, which sees Morrissey begging his muse to give him a chance and listen to him recount his life’s story. The most tragic part is that the woman is implied to have liked him in the past, but no longer does due to how he has changed over the years due to fame. Looking at how he has changed, I don’t think I’d blame her.

The Relationship That Is Not A Relationship

Ever since Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith’s explosive conversation on Red Table Talk, people have been championing the ridiculous notion of a “situationship”, basically dating/sleeping with/hanging out with someone else while you’re having issues with your actual partner. There are other names for it; side-piece, rebound, mistress, paramour, etc. I call it a complete waste of time. Why claim someone as your significant other if you‘re just going to see other people? Friends with benefits is different, I guess, but folks managed to complicate that too.

“Seriously, Just Stop” by somegirlnamedanna - The story that Anna tells here is as humorous as it is empowering. Seeing that her ex is fixing to text her (i.e the infamous three dots), she stops him and tells him to not even bother. She also asks if it is him she sees everywhere she goes, what the purpose of flexing with fake designer/jewelry and tattoos on social media is, and ultimately explains that it’s not happening. Anna is paying a lot of attention to this person who she claims to not want. Could it be indecisiveness? Is it be a observant young woman who is simply over it? Could it be a foolish young woman who is still in love and as a result, not over it? It could all and none of the above at the same time. And it somehow is completely relatable.

“Next Lifetime” by Erykah Badu - This song was a personal favorite of mine when I was younger. It follows Erykah as she meets someone she is completely smitten by, but ultimately can’t pursue because of her already seeing someone. She resorts to fantasizing about him, wishing about another life with him, but as we all know, manifestation is powerful. People haven’t been waiting until the next life to start ruining their relationships, and a woman like Ms. Badu would’ve been a Godsend even without releasing this song.

”She“ by Tyler, The Creator and Frank Ocean - The worst kind of relationships (besides abusive ones) are the ones that exist entirely in your head. Enter, Tyler, The Creator. He was the king of dreaming about treating his crushes horribly when they inevitably told him to get lost. Assisted by Frank Ocean, who is no stranger to romance-induced existential crises himself, Tyler raps about working up the courage to tell his crush how he feels, and blacking out into a murderous rage if/when she tells him “no” in a way that only an anxious, depressed, stupidly sarcastic teenager can. This song isn’t even the darkest or most disturbing in that era of his career, but if you haven’t dreamed of killing a crush that you feel disrespected you, you’ve never been in love, am I right? Please don’t answer that.

“I Don’t Know You“ by The Marias - Hookups are new to basically no one at this point. You meet someone, connect with them, go home with them, and play board games with them until you get tired and go to sleep. All jokes aside, hookups are fairly standard fare and pretty straightforward. Less explanatory is what happens afterward. Frontwoman Maria Zardoya sees a happy ending turn unhappy really fast when she and her lover wake up together and begin to talk. Only problem is, the man claims to not know her. Whether the man is simply trying to move on or genuinely forgot about the night before is irrelevant, as Maria is left dumbfounded and tries to convince him that their love was real. At least she didn’t ask “What are we now?”, because that would’ve sent him running.

“I’m Not In Love” by 10cc (and Kelsey Lu) - Of course, there are two sides to every story. An angle almost never explored in love songs is denying the fact that you are in love. 10cc articulated this idea beautifully through the lyrics of the song, the swelling of the instruments, and overall elements of the production. Kelsey Lu deserves a special shoutout for creating an amazing cover that honors the song as well as put her unique touch to it.

I Never Needed You

I was tempted to write a “self-love” section here, but I realized that those cuts have a lot less to do with loving yourself than they do with hexing the person the song is about. And what’s the easiest way to get over an horrific breakup? Simply act like you never needed them in the first place! How do you cope with being rejected by someone you like? Call them ugly and tell them you didn’t like them that much anyway! These next choices will get the heart pumping and ready to bury your exes with a wave of paragraphs in no time.

“I Miss You“ by David Ruffin - The one-time Temptations frontman comes through with his own tale of losing his woman to another man, and it really, really is a rough go. If you thought Biggie snatching away a lady at the bar while his rival was buying a drink was harsh, imagine being invited to the wedding of the girl you used to love and the man who stole her from you. He sings as if he’s watching his heart be ripped out of his body, and while that can always be expected from Ruffin (he brings it on every song), his heartache is especially poignant here.

”Show You” by Baby Rose - Baby Rose, on a killer guitar instrumental, uses her alluringly deep voice to tell her ex that he won’t find her love anywhere else, and that she’s going to show him why. It’s a rather simple premise, and it’s perfect for when you’re freshly broken up with someone, as you should be determined to become a better version of yourself.

”Piece Of My Heart” by Janis Joplin - Originally a cover of Erma Franklin‘s (sister of Aretha) song of the same name, it wasn’t even recognized by Erma when she first heard it on the radio, but since this is considered one of best songs of all time and Janis is the only one acknowledged for it, that should tell you how good she is here. Joplin talks about being taken for granted and taken advantage of in a way only she can, with the song being bookmarked by one of the greatest belting sequences ever. So much for a white girl from Texas with no soul.

”You Could Have Had Me, Baby” by Esther Phillips and “How Bout Now” by Drake - I decided to lump these two together because they’re both essentially the same song, just told in different ways. Esther Phillips tears down the man who left her over an unbelieveable guitar sequence in a song that is 1960’s soul all the way. But while Esther was audibly angered throughout, Drake is just happy gloating and rubbing his newfound success in some girl’s face. Also unlike the former, Drake goes into more detail about how his girl wronged him, and both make it as clear as day that these ungrateful souls chose the wrong people to walk out on.

“You Was Right” by Lil Uzi Vert - Hey, we all make mistakes. There’s always that one person we always knew to stay away from but couldn’t for some reason. And when it blows up, the way everyone said it would, the only things you have left to say are excuses and apologies. That is the main message of Lil Uzi Vert’s 2016 smash hit, as he is forced to explain to his loved ones why he looks stupid all of a sudden (hint: it‘s not all his fault).

The Worst Case Scenario

Look, no matter how much some of us may act like it, we all need people in our lives, romantically or otherwise. The thought of dying without anyone, in particular, plagues my thoughts as it does a lot of people’s. In school, kids said I was going to die a virgin, be a 30-year-old virgin, be a rapist, and other horrible things. While I’m definitely never going to rape anyone, I do think often about whether I’ll have to move through life while watching everyone else be happy. The last section is strictly for people like me.

”Once I Loved” by Astrud Gilberto - Bossanova is easily some of the most calming music around, and Astrud Gilberto is one of its most prolific artists. Astrud Gilberto blends with a stunning chord arrangement and laments about how love has failed her. This song sounds like a dejected woman weighing her prospects, and that’s honestly the brightest it’s gonna get from here. “And love is the saddest thing when it’s goes away”; man, that’s depressing.

“Just Might” by Summer Walker and PARTYNEXTDOOR - When she’s not having pointless arguments with the mother of her boyfriend’s first kid and posting conspiracy theories on Twitter, Summer Walker is actually really good at making music. She teams up with a previous entrant on the list to ponder the same issue that Astrud Gilberto was, and they come up with the same conclusion. Summer’s way of coping with this may be just as horrible as the problem is; she just going to be as slutty as possible since she can’t find love anyway. Either that, or Summer has realized that she’s fallen for so many dudes that she may already be beyond saving regardless. Meanwhile PARTY finds himself questioning a stripper about how she manages to keep her legs closed while working at a prominent Atlanta strip club. My generation is lost.

”Love Is A Losing Game” by Amy Winehouse - Summer Walker interpolated this song in the outro of hers; plus, it’s Amy Winehouse, so it’s going on the list. Amy croons about the complete breakdown of her relationship in what is the most haunting song on the list. Every time I listen, it give me chills. I’m really sad she’s no longer here with us, but at least I can share this song with you.

”All Girls Are The Same” by Juice WRLD - You’ve not entered the dating landscape until you start complaining about the opposite sex. It’s just going to happen eventually. Juice WRLD finds himself in the same situation, as he drinks himself into a slur while cursing the girls in his life for making him insane with their foolishlessness. Before I go on, I must stress the importance of loving yourself. You shouldn’t have too much confidence, but don’t ever stake your self-worth on your dating status or any one thing, and remember that SOMEONE OUT THERE LOVES YOU. Jarad and Amy were lost before their time, but you don’t have to be.

“Verbatim” by Mother Mother - Through a slamming chord sequence, Ryan and Molly Guldemond question the validity of societal standards on gender and sexuality. As long as you love somebody with everything you’ve got, why should how you express yourself matter? The dating circuit definitely could benefit from lowering its standards some, I would think.

”Me In 20 Years” by Moses Sumney - If Amy Winehouse’s entry was the most chilling, this song is a very close second. Moses captures his own struggle of finding his match with a terrifying level of frankness. “Me In 20 Years” sees Moses pondering what his life will be like in two decades, and if he’ll have someone at his side by then. The production makes the song anxiety-inducing, especially when you’ve listened to his other works.

”God Only Knows” by The Beach Boys - The last entry is the most upbeat songs on the whole list, but provides a stark preview for what’s to come, and even an more bleak outlook for life after. Brian Wilson tells his wife basically that she’s the only one for him in a very sweet ballad, one of the biggest pop hits ever. However, Pet Sounds is about the end of a marriage. Life without this woman was thought to be completely unfathomable, and by the end of the album Wilson will be faced with the prospect of this reality when she turns away from him in the album’s final track “Caroline, No”.

Honorable Mentions

There are so many more songs I want to include, but the list is already way too long, so here:

”Piece Of My Love” by Guy - One of the most shameless instances of cheating I’d heard in a song. Aaron Hall even calls his paramour a dumb bitch in the intro (He does! It’s there!). Tells you a lot.

”Session 32” by Summer Walker

”I Want It“ by Two Feet

”Ordinary Talk” by Half Waif

“Favorite Mistake” by Giveon - Giveon’s voice is just plain good for the soul, and if you don’t agree, then we can’t be friends.

”Rolling In The Deep” by Adele - I used to hate Adele for some reason. Shows how smart my 12-year-old self was.

”Me, Myself, And I” by Beyoncé

“Seven Words” by Weyes Blood

”Girl From Ipanema”, performed by many - The Frank Sinatra and Astrid Gilberto versions deserve special attention.

“Pyramids” by Frank Ocean

“Bodies” by Jasmine Sullivan

”A Sad Song About A Girl I No Longer Know” by Charles Irwin

”4:44” by JAY-Z - The response track to Lemonade, and a public apology to his wife

“All That Matters” by Justin Bieber

”You Say I’m In Love” by Banes World

”My Man” by Delacey

”W.A.P” by Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion - Because why not?

If you made it this far, then you deserve a round of applause, because that was way longer than I thought it was going to be. Phrases like “your time will come” and “try being friends with her first” have been burned into my brain over time and they are as worthless as they are aggravating to hear. With that being said, I do hope you take care of yourself this Sunday and beyond, and remember that whenever you think you need someone in your life, you are someone.