Dealing With the Christmas Grumps

I woke up with that infernal Christmas song in my head. No, not that one. Not that one either. One that I really don't like, because even from the beginning of my grasp of the English language, I felt that it was cultural appropriation. Or whitewashing. Of course, those terms didn't exist some fifty mumble years ago, but when you grow up in a bilingual family with four archeologists in it, you absorb some ideas early.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hEvGKUXW0iIW

(You know what makes me laugh? The phrase is literally gibberish. If you want do do a little light reading, here you go:)

https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/mele-kalikimaka-meaning

Which is why I was already in a rotten mood. And I just got up.

Sigh. 'Tis the season...

Luckily, my shopping list is small. Closest friends, parents, grandkiddo. Why no one else? Well, though I don't believe in having a checklist to make sure everything is extra super-duper fair, I do believe reciprocity is a thing that needs to be maintained in order to have a healthy relationship - and if it's not, all you have is a bunch of non-medicinal leeches trying to suck all they can out of you. As has been said very succinctly, I ain't got time for that.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lylWDAo9hFw

BLEAUGH. No, just no. Out there, with people? Have you seen how they treat workers in the service industry? The insanity of Black Friday? Then driving like a maniac on any mall-adjacent road? Pity the poor fool just trying to get by those exits!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ZveAyEMWJ0

When I can sit at home, sipping my hot cocoa (with marshmallows!), and computer click click click not unlike the tapping of reindeer hooves on the rooftop, and it will be delivered to my post office box, nice and safe. I don't have to go out, spend gas money, brave the maddening throngs, fight over limited stock, and still have a nice home-cooked meal that doesn't cost something resembling the French War Debt. Is there even a contest?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T7f_RuGiahs

Ah, bah. And humbug. I'm quite out of sorts, and getting snappish with the world. I don't like this crass commercialism, and this not-so-subtle urge to keep up with the gift-giving Joneses. I have a budget! I pay off my credit cards on time to avoid the interest! I don't need a plastic rectangle screaming in agony every time I pull it out of its nice, snug wallet. I'm not dropping that much cash on a freaking live tree, let the poor thing live! The door to the attic is stuffed with stuff that needs to go up, so I'm not toting the boxes of ornaments and fake tree down when I have to break it all up and repack it and tote it back up less than a month later! No, I'm not swagging the front porch! I'm not candle-ing the windows!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MHzpB4YGiTI

Nope. Not feeling it. Not even a little bit. Don't get me started on the Christmas cards! I make those things by hand, you know! Why, yes, I do have a little dog, well it's my grandpuppers really, why do you ask?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UR9ytJZQwKo

Bah, I don't want to cancel Christmas, I just want to tone it down a bit. More than a little bit. Okay, a whole heckuva lot! Is it too much to ask? Can we get back to a simpler time, when it was about surrounding yourself with loved ones, and having good food and fine company?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1qXL1cEgi4

I need more than that, though. I need to get away for a bit, get centered, find my way back to a better time, a nostalgic time, but without getting blinded by rose-colored glasses. I need... I need...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NT8pIpzDX0g

Ah. I'm hungry. I need some pumpkin pie!

And I'm going to curl up by the window, eat my rather large slice with whipped cream, and watch the birds. They don't have to worry about Christmas bustle, now do they? Unless the eagle comes along again. Then they bustle, all right! And since I can't see any of the little peeps at the feeders, I'm going to assume something predatory is out hunting. Could be the red-tailed hawk, could be the sharp-shinned hawk, could be the great blue heron. All of them do a time share of the river, and they don't like to be there when any of the others are in sight. If they see each other, they have to fight, but if they never see each other, they can pretend they don't exist. Kind of like some relatives I could mention. I know, uncharitable, but after a few decades, you get tired of the bombasity of the out of touch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A2dgsPs0MWo

All right, my sycamores put me in a much better wood - er, mood. I don't see the eagle, but he must be lurking, because even the Canadian geese are nervous. I'll leave them to it. I do have some Christmas gifts to wrap, and I'm bad at wrapping. Maybe I should tackle that project? Let me put on some music, not the regular stuff, I'm so tired of hearing it, something with a bit more pizzazz...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Fe11OlMiz8

HA HA HA HAAAAH! Oh, that was funny! Oh, I needed that. I'm glad I wasn't out driving, I would have done my car a mischief laughing so hard!

Back to rapping...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OR07r0ZMFb8

Urgh. Wrapping paper is definitely not a tab A into slot B kinda thing. All right, Christmas bags it is. All I can do is wrinkle the tissue, and these chunks of mangled paper might as well be crumpled a little bit more and used instead. Yikes, what a mess! Maybe next year I should use newspaper?

Egg nog! Just the thing!

Look, I'm allergic to alcohol, okay? And I'm diabetic, so I have to watch my sugar. But, you know, stress! So I'm gonna do some slurping, and comtemplate the Christ-Mess I've created. Maybe I should have made homemade Christmas crackers instead?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0bqiBpRvEwc

That reminds me - I found a discarded bell while walking. I'll add that to my tiny display. I need solid food to go with all the "schleck" I've eaten. (Um, "sugary junk food" is a good translation.) And it's still over a week to pork and sauerkraut. Don't let all the explanations fool you, folx, we Penna Dutch have it for New Year's because it's what we had in our larders this time of year. Pickled anything is preserved food, and the pork tastes amazing in a vinegar-cabbage brine when cooked in a wood-fired oven when it's put in at the stroke of midnight. The cabbage loses its sharpness by cooking with the pork, and the pork is made so tender from the vinegar's acid. Bake at low temps for twelve hours, pull out at noon on New Year's, and have that first forkful melt in your mouth. You're welcome.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lw7ix71tsTo

Happy Holidays, all, no matter which ones you celebrate!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dee-N0Fomqo