An Exploration of Teenage Love: The Playlist

As a teenager, it's hard navigating the difficulties of relationships. Often, young men and women idealize the idea of being with someone, never fully comprehending the concept of spending every waking moment with someone who should be your best friend. Even now, it's hard for me to comprehend that concept. I often still want to jump into things without thinking, but I like to think I'm getting better at recognizing when certain connections are working and when others are not. Many songs have stuck with me over the years that have influenced my experiences with love in one way or another, and these are those songs.

1. One Night by Ed Sheeran

Let's start with a lesser-known song by one of the most popular artists in the mainstream today. "One Night" comes directly off Ed Sheeran's early EP Loose Change, and it follows Sheeran confessing his genuine love for someone that at first he only saw as a one-night stand. It's not the story of this song that connects as much with me, it's the environment in which I first started listening to it. In 2017, I went with my family to a favorite vacation destination of ours, Sanibel Island off the coast of Florida, when I was truly starting to get into Sheeran's style of songwriting. During that vacation, I started talking more with a girl that I met at a theater conference that month. There was something about our connection that felt like it could actually go somewhere, and I wanted to tell her that she turned my cheeks the color of Sheeran's hair as I listened over and over again to a song that felt unique in its musical execution to me. Months after, I would be lucky enough to take her to my school's homecoming dance. At this point, she had rejected me as a romantic partner, but we still had an absolute blast, talking the entire night until we got too tired to continue. For whatever reason, our connection started fizzling out after that. While there are a couple of candidates of old and lesser-known Ed Sheeran and Charlie Puth songs that could be connected to that experience, "One Night" is the one that sticks out to me the most. This entry also represents my essential attitude towards pretty much every other relationship I'd had up to this point -- wanting to jump into something really quickly because we were both at least somewhat interested in each other.

2. Run Away with Me from The Unauthorized Autobiography of Samantha Brown

I learned this song years ago for consideration for the International Thespian Festival, and I was lucky enough to qualify for it with my final performance. I adored this song about a guy confessing his desire to be with someone for the rest of his life in a lesser-known musical, and I was honored to be recognized for my performance. However, I also met someone there through that song. The girl from my previous entry came to watch me perform while we were still connected, along with some of her friends. She joked after my performance that one of these friends had asked for my number. Before this friend left, I pulled her over and asked if she actually wanted it. What resulted was a connection that eventually turned into something more and the first time I was ever asked serious questions about a relationship -- my political and religious beliefs, how many previous relationships I'd had, what I wanted for the future, what the most important values were to me, etc. We tried a long-distance connection on and off for about another year before realizing that iffy communication from both ends demonstrated we weren't quite compatible with each other. We haven't talked much since we started college, and that's okay. Sometimes people just aren't meant to be in each other's lives forever, but their impact on you will never be forgotten.

3. Powerless, Lucky People, and Never Bloom Again by Waterparks

I can't imagine this entry without all three of these songs combined together, because ultimately, they create a narrative arc that is probably a large part of why Waterparks are my personal favorite band. A little over a year and a half ago, I reached out to the cousin of a friend of mine to try and connect with her, despite the fact that she lived across the country. Little did I know she would literally change my entire life. We connected very quickly, and after about a month, we realized there was something more to our conversations. We've tried a long-distance relationship three times now, and each time, we've come to the conclusion that we have our own worries to work out before we can commit fully to someone. The three songs listed above came into prominence in my life most likely after I recommended the band to this girl. "Powerless" discusses the lead singer, Awsten Knight, and his want to see a girl who lives across the country as soon as possible no matter what he has to do. After I found this song and connected it to us, she sent me "Lucky People," about a desire finally being fulfilled to be with a person that Awsten cares so much about. I immediately connected this song to us as well, but unfortunately, a three-song arc had to end in a bittersweet manner. Strangely, it wasn't the first time, but the second time we cut things off that affected me more adversely. Months after trying to get over her, hearing the song "Never Bloom Again" for the first time, about Awsten struggling to get over a girl, resonated with me more than I would have maybe cared to admit. These three songs represent an arc -- the relationship that meant so much to me it literally changed my outlook on love, the realization that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with someone that I felt comfortable being completely myself around, and the outcome of the idea that perhaps we weren't going to end up together after all.

4. Secrets for the Mad by Dodie Clark

This is a song only loosely connected to love, but it ultimately is too important for me to leave it off this list. Throughout my first college semester, I struggled with anxiety involving how people would see me, how I would make connections with others, if I would be able to find the right person for me, and if thoughts that were only impulsive were actually a hidden dark side to the person I most wanted to be. Dodie's "Secret of the Mad" is, in my opinion, the definitive mental health song. When I played it again during my first semester of college, I paid attention to the lyrics for the very first time: Dodie simply comforting the listener, telling them no matter what's going on in their life, they will get through it, even if it's something that she doesn't understand personally. I cried to this song, and I would argue it was the first step in letting me let go of the idea that I was going to flounder for the rest of my independent and personal life. This song was the start of my ultimate recovery, and it's a song I cannot recommend enough to those struggling with their own battles with anxiety. It's simply beautiful.

You'll probably notice some patterns in all of these entries -- I've often had relationships where I couldn't visit the other person easily. I've often jumped into things quickly, even after I realized how naturally relationships are supposed to happen. I still don't think I've mastered communicating with people in general, as I often gain affection towards others rather quickly and speak rather bluntly about it even when I think I'm being subtle. I'm still learning what a relationship is supposed to be, but this playlist marks the most important steps in my journey towards learning that.