2024 Playlist of Lows and Highs

I have always had such an admiration and love for music ever since I was child. I just love how music can tell a person’s story even without the music artist knowing the person that they are writing about. But even people in the music industry will tell their own stories through their songs. I was first taught to sing by someone I loved from my family when I was just a little girl; she may be gone now but her love for me and music continues to live on in me. Music over the years has become my passion and my therapy when I’m battling my internal emotions or dealing with everyday struggles. I will say this that this year has been the most chaotic year of my life where I experienced a lot of lows and highs. I am glad that as this year is finally coming to an end, I’m seeing a lot of light and hope as I am getting ready to make a lot of big changes soon for a better future. But here are a few songs that pretty much got me through so much rough times.

Running Away by Midnight Hour

The beginning of the year was looking very promising because I had a lot of planned trips, I was so excited for. But then there was a family emergency that through everything out of whack. A member of my family had fallen ill, and I’m not trying to sound cruel, but this was a relative I no longer had a relationship with. While he was in the hospital, I now found myself being dragged back into the rest of my toxic family again. I had not seen any of these people for the last 3 years after one of them almost hurt my brother during Thanksgiving dinner. After that incident I hadn’t seen any of them till now. The last three years were the happiest I had ever been. Because no one deserves to be around negative toxic drama that brings you down. Which was pretty much all they had done to me my entire life. I’ve been disrespected, mistreated and emotionally abused by these people, and the fact that I now find myself stuck being around them once again because of the family member being ill, it’s become mentally exhausting being around them again. When all I want to do is run away from them forever which is what I’m finally going to do. I know it’s sad but unfortunately you can’t pick your family but, I’m glad with the decision I’m making and hopefully one day they will all wake up and realize they did this. It’s this song alone that has inspired me that I will end up doing just that. But I have also finally realized after listening to this song it’s not about what you want to run away from, but what you want to run toward.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6iHERqtP3g

I’m Here by Fantasia

This song really means a lot to me because it was used in the musical version of one my favorite novels The Color Purple. Like literally both the book and both of the movies it is almost like its telling my own story too. How a woman went from being shy and quiet to finding her own voice and strength to stand up to the people that hurt her. Which is pretty much like what I did because I have finally stood my ground and finally after going through a whole emotional and spiritual healing from everything I endured. I am now able to stand my ground, and I am not afraid to face anymore demons from my past. Even after all hardships I had to endure at home and in all of my school years is that I don’t need to find a group to belong to, to be accepted because, as long as god and the universe always me to live I’m here for a reason.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EArLJcs6oAg

Ain’t No Love In Oklahoma by Luke Combs

I know this song was made for a movie but, this song has made such a big impact on me. When I feel like on somedays where I am a thousand times stronger this is my go to song that reminds me of how resilient I am. But the one verse I love in this song that also boosts my confidence is the lyrics that says “Ain't no love in Oklahoma, Just the whistle of a long black train, You'll know when it's comin' for ya”. Because I think about all of the two faced people I have now finally had a wake up call in the last year that now have no place in life, and for the people that back stabbed me so many times it just reminds that bad people never win. So, I believe in the power of karma and that one day they will get a taste of it when it does come towards them. Hopefully whatever happens to them they will get a wakeup call and change their ways and be better people, but for me I don’t give a lot of people second chances after they betrayed my trust.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J6YlaeACE4E

I’m Still Standing by Elton John

I would say this song has definitely been my go-to song for the last four years and it is still has played a huge part with how I feel about all my successes I’ve accomplished. This song reminds me of finally clapping back at all the haters and those that thought I was weak. I know a lot of people that have disliked thought I would continue to be a depressed woman and live at rock bottom. When they could not be further from the truth because, guess what I’m still standing. This year I had several run ins with former high school classmates, and it felt so empowering to stand up to them and call them out for all the wrongs they have done. What's sad is that 2 of them even admitted they knew how I was treated was wrong. I had a lot of courage to tell what I had to endured at home, and they made it to where I didn't feel safe to be anywhere, and the fact they apologized after all these later will never make up for it. They should have that a long time ago but, I'm glad I have moved on from that and I can forgive but I will never forget. Just like Elton John he went from the bottom to the top. He too had endured a lot of negativities in his life from his family and peers. But this also shows that celebrities are just like everyone else and I think that’s also what everyone around me forgets. We are all human and we all have feelings, and hate doesn’t belong anywhere I go.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHwVBirqD2s

Kind & Generous by Natalie Merchant

I had almost forgotten about this song until I heard again for the first time in years. I had danced to this song one night in my friends’ bar with the love of my life. As we were dancing to it he was telling me things about me, how grateful he was for me being there for him always. This may sound cheesy to some but he was telling me that I am the most kind and generous woman he has ever met. Which I know some might find it ironic since he was telling me this along with the song. But he is the sweetest man I have ever known, and that is the first time I’ve ever had someone tell me that. He reminds me that after all the pain I've endured I still have managed to be kind and generous over the years. This song is a reminder for me to stay true to myself.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAwyIad93-c

Take Me Home by Phil Collins

There are still so many moments where I just want to go back to the only 2 places, I could ever call home which are either Louisiana or South Carolina. Both of those places I used to call home and every time I visit them still, I’m hoping I can still one day make the move back to one of them permanently. Because the people that live in both of those states are some of the best people I have ever met, and it truly feels like home whenever I’m there. I have also decided that I’m gonna make another big move for myself which is to find a lot of my long-lost family I have no seen in so many years. I have lost contact with a lot of them due to all the family drama where they left to escape from it all. I had no animosity toward them up until I last saw them but, I know they all still loved me when they said goodbye to me. If anything, they were all better people than those that I am currently stuck with. At least I know home is with them too.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jq1oyB1CNa4

Nothing is Lost (You Give Me Strength) by The Weekend

This very last song I turned to a lot this year when I thought about the people, I loved that I lost because I really felt like I needed them the most. This song reminded me that they are truly never lost or forgotten because they are always with me. As long as I hold onto their love and the memories, I had of them they will forever be by myside. I have also finally learned this year that I have to stop blaming myself for their deaths, and I truly thought I could protect them. The one thing I wish a lot of people could know is what I have lost. Because the very few people that I loved from my family that passed they were essentially the only people that I felt truly ever loved me. But I’m sadly reminded that I can’t always save everyone even if its your family and friends. Now I am devoted to be stronger for them each and everyday I live, and knowing that they are with me in spirit is a reminder I will always feel safe and protected!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8f3HbKyaEtk

Defying Gravity by Cynthia Erivo

The last song of the year for me was Defying Gravity, and it was perfect timing. Because I was already reflecting on everything that’s happened this year. This song was one of the most empowering songs I've ever heard, that really impacted my heart in so many ways. After seeing Wicked for the first time and seeing the mistreatment Elphaba went through from the very beginning to the very end. Where she was treated as an outcast and someone that could easily be taken advantage of because of her talents. Which is exactly how I’ve been treated almost my entire life. Now I finally have found the inner strength and the empowerment I need to finally say enough is enough. I have now realized, and just like Elphaba if I'd have to fly solo at least I will be free from all those that can't control or hurt me. I've also learned that everyone should be given a chance and be kind to one another because everyone deserves a chance to fly. I could literally feel the emotion just wreathing through me and how much I've learned to break away from all the pain that I thought would break me at last. In everyway this songs speaks to me, especially with the lyrics saying how she's changing and not the same. I can't believe I've come this far and how much I too have changed for good. I know going forward I'll continue to be defying gravity against anyone that tries to bring me down, and no one is ever gonna bring me down.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qeqj5GnoFUY