a Text Message
Them - “¿Cómo estás?” (How’ve you been?)
Me - Do you want the truth or a lie?
Them - Oh my god….
Me – Oh my god what? I’ve been miserable without you! I cared about you very much dude, you were my bro, and I thought we had a lot of laughs and fun together. Despite everything that happened between us, as well as the torture I put myself, family and friends through, there hasn’t been a day since we parted that I haven’t thought of you. Your laugh, your smile, your Puerto Rican accent and the dramatic way you yawn, all your freckles, spread out across your face, neck and head, 27 I counted; Te extraño mucho con todo mi alma y corazón. Yet, I don’t understand what I did or what I said to make you not want to fight for our friendship. You honestly couldn’t have cared less, but here you are, randomly “checking up” on me, why do you still have my number? Don’t you remember when I needed you the most you left me high and dry? Some soldier you are, leaving your fellow man and assigned partner behind. I never turned my back on you and whenever you needed anything, I was happily right there with it or went out of my way to get it, just for you. Back to when I saved myself, you had the nerve to act like everything ok and just fine, like you hadn’t just turned your back on me in front of the class and instructor; how did you just sit there quietly, knowing full and well that the week previous, you were in the same spot, and I immediately threw you a life line? Something I won’t ever understand, but I forgave you almost instantaneously and later reached out to you to save our friendship, I texted you, remember? All you had to say was, that I was being dramatic, you weren’t gay, didn’t need this drama and you needed to focus on school. You totally and absolutely missed my point entirely, it wasn’t about being gay dude, I’m sorry you’ve never had anyone care about you, like I did. So I granted your wish and acted invisible, yet you refused to let it be and for the remainder of the term you did everything you possibly could to get my attention, talking loud being even more obnoxious than you already were, you even tried to make me jealous with that ogre Veronica and her tipsy Jeep driving friend, Sarah. Despite all of that bs, you didn’t have the testicular fortitude to speak to me like a man and voice what was wrong, how you felt and what we could do to fix it; even if that meant not being friends anymore, we in the least bit could’ve had some closure. For many weeks we were inseparable dude, you were my best friend bro, my sanctuary, the time you entered my life I was so lost, alone, and sad; just trying to restart my life for the better. The opposite happened though, I flunked out of nursing school, wound up seeing a therapist three times a week for several months, went through a major depression, thought about what would happen if I wasn’t “here” anymore, got prescribed happy pills, and I alienated myself from my family for being honest about everything. The last day of school, I emailed you to say goodbye properly and gain some kind of a closure for myself, I apologized for ever making you feel uncomfortable and still left a window open in case you ever needed anything…I still haven’t received a response. Dude, you were the Logan to my Wade Wilson….. I haven't forgotten you, or won't ever forget the fun times we had, going to lunch together, talking about shows and movies; remember "WHERE IS SHE!!" lol. I will never be able to look at Batman without thinking about you, same goes for watching the Last of Us, Stranger Things, Tom Segura, playing Mortal Kombat, and listening to Disturbed, Ozzy, Linkin Park, and Jay-Z….
