Tristan Sharky
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Aries Sun & Moon
Gemini Rising
Stories (2)
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2020
This week has been difficult. I’m realizing I have not been as deeply emotional as my ego let me believe to be. I feel, but I have a difficult time expressing those feelings to others. Sometimes it comes out as anger, when subconsciously I’m feeling sad. These emotions are always projected into anger or I become completely passive, not truly thinking of the consequences. A Scorpio recommended I follow my birth chart closer. It was not until this week that I realized I have no water signs in my chart, and I panicked. Is this why I’ve lived in California for the last 5 years, away from all of my family, and as each year passes I feel less and less close to them? The reason why I can make a friend, be incredibly close for years, and explode out of each other’s lives like a burst of flames, with no rememberance of how it was before? I’d rather have sex with a stranger than someone I know, and when I have sex with a friend.. I normally don’t feel comfortable to be their friend anymore. How can I become a leader, a captain, someone that inspires others if I am always pissed off and creating chaos for myself. This feels like it’s getting worse for me. These are just honest thoughts that have ran through my head recently. I communicate my emotions with aggression. Now I’m hyper-aware and I need to choose when this is necessary. I feel jealous as I’m scrolling through my Instagram, i’m happy for everyone’s success, but it reminds me that I have stifled my creativity and my own successes. I just need to be honest with myself. Since August, I’ve been healing and letting go of someone who was incredibly dangerous for me. It was very traumatic, but I still have yet to really share and express what happened. Other than writing aggressive late-night posts on social media while intoxicated, then the following day seeing what I’ve written and feeling completely vulnerable. I am willing to admit that I was not perfect, but in comparison I was a Saint. He will never admit he was ever wrong, and that is what made me accept this next chapter in my life, solitude. This was the first time I was the one to say goodbye in a romantic relationship. I refuse to put all of the blame on this person, even as intense as they may be, because I am intense too. A different kind though. I was in a match for the last three years, and after my relationship has ended I know what solitude feels like. I do not have a lot of friends anymore, and I’ve had trouble connecting with new people. I’m great at small-talk when I feel like it, but there is a chance I will start feeling uncomfortable. I feel incredibly guarded right now, and I feel it’s necessary, but I don’t want to make a habit of it. I wrote this because I do not feel okay right now, and it feels like I’m finding myself all over again, and it makes me frustrated. This year was fucked up for us. That makes me feel like I’m not truly alone. I just want to do better, control and craft the fire I have and be practical about it. Be more patient, more caring, less judgmental. I forget how helpful it is to write when you’re troubled. To read and face your own thoughts like they are not even yours anymore. A collection of words for all of us. Let this be a key to open new doors and to do what is right, not what is easy.
By Tristan Sharky5 years ago in Motivation
