Toni Crowe
Bio
Scarcastic executive. Passionate writer. Very opinionated. Dislikes unfairness. Writing whatever I want about whatever I want.
Stories (33)
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How Much Titty Is Too Much Titty at A Wedding
“Oh my God, if you hooked up with her, you have to tell me every single thing that happened. You have to write me a term paper on the look and feel of Margo Roth Spiegelman’s breasts. Thirty pages, minimum! I want you to do a photo-realistic pencil drawing. A sculpture would also be acceptable. I was wondering if it would be possible for you to write a sestina about Margo Roth Spiegelman’s breasts? Your six words are: pink, round, firmness, succulent, supple, and pillowy. Personally, I think at least one of the words should be buhbuhbuhbuh.” ― John Green, Paper Towns
By Toni Crowe3 years ago in Humans
“Strip,” the Grandmother Said as She Pointed Her Gun at the Two Police Officers
“I'm a fighter. I believe in the eye-for-an-eye business. I'm no cheek turner. I got no respect for a man who won't hit back. You kill my dog, you better hide your cat.” ― Muhammad Ali, The Greatest My Own Story
By Toni Crowe4 years ago in Fiction
I’m Ride or Die with My Girl
“A good friend will help you move but a true friend will help you move a body.”—Steven J. Daniels Snacks Help He was supposed to be playing golf with his buddies. His wife needed to go to the animal shelter behind the No-Tell motel. Instead of dropping off dog food, she parked her car, got in his, and drove away. Then she called me to go back to the motel with her to wait for him out to come out. We made sandwiches, got some orange juice, some gin, some hot and sour pickles, and fire Cheetos. We went in my husband’s car so her spouse would not spot us. My spouse tried to deter me, but I’m ride or die for my girl. This woman has been my friend for thirty years. We have a plan.
By Toni Crowe4 years ago in Confessions
There Is No Such Thing as Extra Sex
"Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any." — John Callahan With all the chaos in the world, my spouse and I have figured out how to keep our sex life in balance, or at least I thought we had. Being locked in with your significant other for 24 hours a day, seven days a week, can become uninspiring in the bedroom. There are the small (and big) things your partner does that get on your last nerve. Nevertheless, we have kept it , but it takes work.
By Toni Crowe4 years ago in Filthy
Anne and the Pear Tree
Anne was a little girl when she learned not to talk about her tree with adults. No one believed the four-year-old when she told them the tree tickled her fingers. Tickling was what she called it when she was small. Now she knew the tingling sensation was the tree’s way of letting her know it was alive and that it was her tree.
By Toni Crowe4 years ago in Fiction
Time after Time
Mom saw him. He slipped out of the room, a satisfied smirk on his face. She stopped dead in the hallway, home early from her book club. He saw her see him. He waved his hand at Mom like she was an annoying fly and walked into their bedroom. She did not go into the room she had painted pink years ago. She stood there forever, listening to the muffled sobs.
By Toni Crowe4 years ago in Fiction
Safety First
Being a crossing guard was Casey's part-time job. Casey was a graduate student at the University of Missouri. She was studying to be a lawyer, having gotten her Bachelor's in Criminal Justice. Casey wanted to save the world. Her plan for her law degree was to use it to free innocent men and women from the oppressive prison system. She knew that was not the most lucrative branch of the lawyer profession, but she had decided to provide representation to underserved communities as her mission in life.
By Toni Crowe4 years ago in Fiction
No Such Thing as a Free Lunch
The aliens appeared at the UN and made the world an offer they could not refuse. The deal was simple. They would provide humans with money for the fat of their bodies or they would destroy our planet. While the aliens were removing human fat, they would cure the donor of disease or infection. The only exception was that they would take no one under the age of twenty. Behind their backs, we called the aliens, Butchers.
By Toni Crowe4 years ago in Fiction
