TinyTigerGirl

My Failed Marriage

I know the title gives away the ending but this is more about the story and how it all happened. I met my ex husband on a online dating site. I did not have a lot of experience dating and I was very naïve. We talked for a little while on the phone before I finally agreed to meet him for a date. We had a lot of fun together and I fell for him instantly. Little did I know at first he had a bit of a drug problem. We got engaged just a couple months after we started dating. In an effort to help relieve some financial stress off my parents and the stress of having a fiancé who was living almost a hour away i moved in with him when he offered. at the time he was staying with his grandmother and helping her out a bit as she had lost her husband and love of her life and was all alone in her home. Nanny was a wonderful woman and living with him and her was actually not bad at all. She was stuck in her ways and stubborn but she was a sweet very caring woman and always helped bring the family together for holidays and such. She was a very clean person and adored and spoiled her grandkids. Unfortunately some in her family suffered from addictions and often took advantage of her. my ex husband had several family members around him who were drug dealers and addicts. His father was so notorious in our county that the cops would ask about him if we were ever pulled over. after moving in with him i eventually discovered he did meth on the weekend sometimes. It wasn't often and he was in control of himself and he was functional. He stopped for awhile after I asked him to stop using for both of our sake. our relationship was good most of the time. we rarely fought and we always had fun together. We then got married. Shortly after we married he made some new friends that he worked with. He started doing drugs again. His new friends liked to party. I was never really a partier and I do not do drugs. We were all forced to move out when our landlord kicked us all out because his mother had also moved in with us. His mother was our landlords ex wife. With his mom around there was a ton of unnecessary fighting and drama. We eventually moved into a really old very junky trailer behind his grandmas house. He started coming home late or not at all and would worry about him so I asked to hang out with them as well. As it turns out one of his new friends was a drug dealer. we had started fighting about the drugs and arguing about what it was doing to our relationship. We were struggling to buy groceries and pay bills but he would set aside much needed food money to buy his drugs every time. so at this point I was realizing it was becoming a bigger problem. he let a older couple in their late 30s move in with us because they needed somewhere to go and we needed help with bills. This was ok for awhile but it turns out they were really bad addicts to and they had a 7 year old son. I tried to help with him but at this point he was pretty self sufficient when his parents were not in their right minds to care for him. He was a super sweet kid. They had already had one kid taken from them and she was staying with her wealthy grandparents. It was positive and I took another to be sure. I really didn't expect to become pregnant because I was beginning to think I was infertile as I have always had irregular periods. I have always loved kids and cared for them. When I was around 8 years old I was babysitting a 2 year old, 3 year old, and an infant often by myself. We were ecstatic. He promptly quit drugs and even tried to quit smoking. Our first OBGYN visit was absolutely a surprise. My OBGYN told us we were having twins. We both thought he was joking. Turns out we both have a history of twins in our family. The Due Date was Friday November 13th. My ex was shaking when we left the office. The drive home he was absolutely freaking out because we were so in over our heads. At the time I was having trouble finding a job and he had a minimum wage job. He decided he would quit drugs because he was going to be a daddy. We did not fight a lot in the beginning of my pregnancy. Around April or May we started fighting a lot because I really wanted to move to a better home to raise my babies but he did not want to move. The trailer we were in was horrible. It was barely livable for adults and not a good environment for kids. In the winter it was absolutely freezing as if there was no insulation in it. Even with a heater the super cold night were unbearable. In the summer it was stifling hot and the air conditioners barely had any effect on the temp of the house. You had to sit in front of a air conditioner to get any relief. There was a bedroom on the opposite end of the house that was unlivable. It had a tiny bathroom in it that had a big hole in the floor. the window didn't shut properly and the door to this room was broken. The kitchen just had a stove a sink and a fridge. No cabinets or storage. I could go on and on about the things wrong but I'm going to just say it was bad. around this time he relapsed and started using again which made the fights worse. I called my family and stayed with them a few days. I went back under the condition that he stop doing drugs and we make some real changes. I was starting to show at this point and I was always tired. I found out, In the first week of June, at a specialist appointment that I had lost the twins due to no fault of my own or anything that could have been prevented. At this time I was 20 and I was scheduled to be induced 3 days before my 21st birthday. It was hard. I was so far along in my pregnancy I had to be induced and still had to give birth to them. It was tough but our families came together in our time of need. I knew he was hurting but that night he did and said several uncalled for things so at one point I told him to go and get some air. He came back more level headed. It was late in the night when I had them and I was groggy from the pain meds. I went into a deep depression for awhile while I was grieving. He did to but instead of turning to me for comfort or comforting me he turned to drugs. He started partying again with people he worked with. I eventually asked to join to see what he was up to and I was tired of being home alone. I hung out a few times but mainly he went on his own. I liked the guys wife as we were both crafty odd souls so we started to become friends and I eventually met her best friends as well. At this time i had had several miscarriages. One of her best friends was always having guy trouble so I offered some advice and we started to become friends as well. I found out later because of my roommate that he had actually slept with her. I asked him about it and he swore it was a one night thing and he was high and didn't know what he was doing. He swore he never told me because I was a good woman and he didn't want to hurt me. I then found out from the other guys wife that he had actually lied to me again and that he and her had had a brief affair that he ended because he felt guilty and she had gotten to attached. I confronted him and he finally told the truth. I was very upset. I however did wind up forgiving him because in the end he had chose me. after this his dug use seemed to get worse and there was even several nights where he kept swearing and yelling at me because he thought I was cheating on him. I was not. I suffered a couple miscarriages even though my OBGYN said we were cleared to try again. We soon got better jobs at a warehouse that had just opened. We were still trying to get pregnant again. We had several fights because he thought I was pregnant but I was sure I wasn't. we had a fight so bad he drug me to my parents house to get them to get me to take a test. He was high out of his mind. It turned out I had a positive test. Unfortunately I had a miscarriage the next day. I honestly think it was due to all the stress. We went home and just a couple weeks or so later had a huge fight that almost led to him killing himself because he was high and crazy. I called the cops and his mom and I had him admitted for a 3 day hold to help him see someone and get sober. It was around this time that I started to realize it was going to be hard to get out of this relationship and I wanted out but I was terrified of him or him hurting my family because he had threatened them. He stayed sober for a short while but while he was sober he was even more unbearable. He still thought I was cheating on him. He would not let me see my family. He became controlling and he was narcissistic. I was honestly scared for my life. He never raised a hand to me but he was verbally and mentally abusive. My parents visited and told me they were going to move to Florida. I was scared what might happen if they left because then I would not have a lifeline if something bad happened. I talked him into letting me go to Florida to get a job there and find us a house while he stayed in Georgia and worked. I then moved in with my parents temporarily. I moved in at the beginning of December with plans to visit him and his family for Christmas. The week that I moved in I was supposed to receive my last paycheck from my job. He withdrew it from my account as soon as it hit the bank. We did not have a joint banking account. The account was mine but both of our checks went in and he had limited permissions with the account. He had stolen my Debit card before I left. I was of course upset with him because he was mad and trying to punish me when I had left on supposedly good terms. His check dropped a few days later (he made less than me) and I had my bank cancel the card he had and they sent me a new one. So I took is paycheck. When I told him I was visiting and when I would be there to see him he told me he did not want to see me and that he wanted a divorce. This for me was the last straw. He always threatened a divorce to win arguments and I was sick of it. So I told him fine consider us divorced. I dropped by that night while he was at work and got the rest of my stuff. He was upset. He tried to apologize the next day once he realized I was gone for good. He had the gall to ask me to bring some of the stuff back. At this point I knew he didn't care about me and I was resolved to never ever let him hurt me again. A couple weeks later he hooked up with a co worker who was married and heavily pregnant. She soon divorced her husband after having her baby. She got pregnant with my exes child very quickly after she had her other child. They now live together but they cannot get married because we technically still have not divorced. I learned a lot about people and life from all of this and I refuse to repeat it which is why I am single.