Sofya Maxnide
Bio
daydreamer not a night sleeper time traveler instead of a keeper beyond time yet always behind
Do I know who I am?
Stories (14)
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Bird-man
There once lived a man. He was called the Bird-man by all who knew him. He lived far away from civilization in a house all by himself. Those who knew of his past never spoke of it, wether by choice or of forbiddence, I'll never know. It was rumored that the only times he would leave the house was to feed the birds.
By Sofya Maxnide6 years ago in Motivation
Lone
christmas day... the most happiest day of all... and the most lonely for some people. some day i will tell you of my story but for now all i will say is my adoptive parents divorced in my early teens and i lived with my dad for roughly the same amount of time as i had lived with my mom. but this year things changed and for the first time in a little under a decade, i met up with her and talked... about nothing. i was quite upset that she never mentioned about “the incident” or offered an apology. i still wonder to this day that if she had would i have forgiven her? anyways fast forward a few months and i’m starting college, a brand new adventure awaits but i unfortunately can’t seem to enjoy it. ever since meeting her, my broken life that i had slowly pieced together was threatening to collapse on me again. i didn’t want another breakdown, i didn’t want to feel like i didn’t want to live anymore, how could she come into my peaceful life and take it away from me all the while smiling at me as if she never wronged me? questioning my mental sanity, my roommate who happens to be a psych major, suggested i get help. i don’t want to be prodded with questions, i know they don’t care, it’s their job to listen not to care. so with no option but to figure it out myself i began to sink deeper into the monotony that was my life. if i was not in class, then i was working, if i was not working or in class then you would probably find me in a bathroom stall just sitting and finding peace in a place that had a locked door. day in and day out everything had a pattern... but i couldn’t show that to other people so i went into incognito mode, trying to be invisible to everyone. Thanksgiving break came sooner than i wished and after having been constantly pestered by her to have thanksgiving dinner with her and her family, i caved. the day of found me in a disoriented haze. nothing in my suitcase seemed to be good enough so i went out and bought new clothes, my hair survived my brutal attacks to it as i wrestled it into a style, and finally i carefully applied my makeup. i find that a lot can be implied if you look at me in the eyes when i’m wearing makeup and this time was no different. I had on a dark brown base with black eyeshadow lining my upper and lower lid as well as black waterline eyeliner and black mascara. all black, everything everything all black. the rest of the family had arrived early that morning and yet i still found myself sitting and waiting well into the afternoon. she had said “come to thanksgiving dinner” and dinner wasn’t until late afternoon right? i had time right? after sitting around for another couple of hours i got a text from her asking if i was still coming. i figured it was now or never. quickly replying, i hopped into the car and started it up. the drive over i felt nothing, my hands clutched the cold leather steering wheel but i may have been touching the clouds, i couldn’t have told you. eyes focused on the road without really seeing anything... thank goodness there was barely any traffic. the heat was blasting so hot that my hands on the wheel were burning but my body felt ice cold. when i arrived, she asked me if i was scared. i don’t remember saying anything at all to her but as we went inside, i plastered on a smile. my brother, my sisters, my i suppose adoptive step dad... all people i hadn’t seen in years... all in one place. the night went by fairly well and by the early evening i left with my oldest sister. during the ride home she pestered me, as i knew she would, with unabrasive questions about how i felt. i answered with, “i have no regrets, only bad decisions, but she doesn’t have much time left.” looking back on it a month later i feel the same way about it as i did then. nothing. christmas was much of the same. she invited me and i declined. i needed a break and time to put back the fake mask on again. we ended up meeting at ruby tuesday where in the end of our lunch i started feeling twitchy. my muscles were jumpy, i couldn’t sit still or keep my eyes on one particular thing, and my teeth started clattering. upon seeing this she restrained from making any more conversation. looking back on it, i think it was a minuit breakdown. i can’t have another major one, i don’t think i will survive it. so back to the shopping cart. i have spent my whole life being alone, pushing others away because i don’t want to be hurt because of her. but this lone shopping cart taught me that being alone isn’t worth all the trouble just because of the pain. because of the pain i became stronger and for that i’m thankful. so this is my 2020 promise to myself. i want to find myself and when i do i want to love myself so hard it hurts because no one else can do it for me. i hope you will stick around to see my journey because this decade has got to be better than the other two. i promised myself it would be.
By Sofya Maxnide6 years ago in Motivation
