Sarah Sturges

Him

Before I was unmindfully diluted by a man consisting of advertently manipulative tendencies, life was undoubtedly simple. I would wake up, get my morning coffee, run errands, go out with my friends, and I ugly laughed until my chest hurt. Now, I still do all of those seemingly minimalist things, but they’re burdened by a hole. It grows and festers every day like an open wound, and seems as if it will never heal. I lay awake at night unable to shut my mind off from the regret and the emptiness he makes me feel. All my thoughts consist of memories that I replay trying to make sense of it all, but it never does. I tried to blame him for making me this way, for doing this to me. But under my fractured mental walls, I’ve always known this would happen, that it would be my fault. I wish I could say I hate him, that I moved on and stopped caring. I wish I didn’t miss his contagious laugh, admire his charming disposition, and adore his effortlessly witty mind; But my heart could never fathom such a feeling.