Sarah Lynn Jones
Bio
Sarah is a writer, vlogger, storyteller, poet, dreamer, healer, mystic, artist, hopeful, and lover of life who is passionate about telling stories to help others seek healing and acceptance in their own lives and journeys.
Stories (15)
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Remember to Breathe
My life has been a journey of healing with many, MANY broken chapters before finally stepping into a path that I can be fully in love with; although admittedly, I am still working on discerning what that path is. I developed the sense early on in life that I was not meant to be here—that life mistakenly spit me out in an existence that I didn’t belong in and I had an overwhelming sense of the walls closing in all around me, trying to snuff me out in some cruel cosmic game. I was terrified at the idea of not being here anymore, but I desperately believed the world would be better off without me. My introvertedness came more from a fear of stepping out of line and drawing the arrows of hate and disgust of others who were clearly, in some way, inconvenienced by my existence. I’ve found later in life that I’ve had this ongoing tendency to hold my breath or start breathing extremely shallowly in unknown situations as though I was trying to make the least amount of physical moves necessary to get through without drawing attention to myself. Still, I would dream of a world where I DID belong. I used to pray, first, that I would go away and fade out of the existence I was sure I wasn’t right for so that the overwhelming loathing of the world would no longer grip me in Every. Single. Thing. That I did. I am one, like so many before me and around me currently, who has spent hours upon hours upon hours wrapped up in soul-crushing suicidal ideation and a desperate need to appease the world through alleviating it of my existence. I spent so much time believing that the world would somehow be better off without me in it. Thus the short breaths to attempt to do as little damage to the existence I was forced to appear in—kind of like how some say that if you were to go back in time, even the flapping of a butterfly’s wings would change the course of events to come—I was trying not to make more of a mess than my existence already had forced me to make.
By Sarah Lynn Jones5 years ago in Psyche
