Ruthmalini Somasundaram

The 4 hour plan

Was this all life had to offer? Was I even really guilty? I had nothing to be afraid of, I was the star of this town. Not a single soul would ever find out, to them I was perfect, the perfect son of the perfect father. I wrapped my mind of who I had become, proud. As I walked up the stage the candles burned bright, they left the lingering smell of paraffin wax stuck in the air with nowhere to go. The floorboards creaked at every step I took towards the centre. I adjusted the mic, a loud transmission exploded through the speakers and I caught the attention of the teary eyes weighing me down at their sight. “Hello everyone, my name is Sid Srinivas, son of Vikram Srinivas”, I readjusted my tone “thank you for coming, my father would have appreciated knowing how much he meant to all of you”. The crocodile tears were unreal, no one really cared if he lived or died, I did them a favour. My father was a monster, he deserved this. I could hear myself saying this made up story how he was a true hero, every bone in my body screamed “lie, lie, lie”, what I wished I had said was “ he was a pathetic mad man who made everyone around him feel small. I smiled and told a room full of strangers he was the best dad anyone could ask for, he gave us everything. This was not the time or the place to expose my true feelings. I had already done what I needed to. The floorboards creaked heavier and closer to me, I felt the cold hands of Father Samuel against my very own fingers pressing them to tell me I had done great, he makes money off this service he doesn’t care. I walked off the stage and waited for the rest of this ceremony to be over. The only explanation was the money they were after, could anyone actually like this man? I waited for everyone to leave the building it was tiresome waiting on people to tell me their condolences, just to say “yes I’m fine, thank you” as if any of that could bring someone back to life. It was finally empty and I couldn’t wait to go home, Gunner was a little troubled these days so he needed me.