Roxanne Bédard

Motherhood

Hi, this was me before becoming a momma. I know, who is she? She didn’t have a real worry in the world. This was me before even thinking of doing hours and hours of research on ovulation. This was me before my OCD kicked into overdrive. This was me before the endless tears after months of negatives appeared in front of me. This was before I even knew what a pandemic was. Shortly after the pandemic started is when I decided to start trying for a baby, because I also, like many other women, decided to have a baby while the world was slowly falling a part. I figured that I could bring a bit of joy into this chaotic world. Whenever I went on social media, all I could see were pregnant women. Beautiful and glamorous pregnant women. They would prepare their nurseries, they would prepare their postpartum toiletries, they would buy all these beautiful clothes for their very small human that they spent nine months making. It seemed like there were no negatives to being pregnant. It almost seemed perfect. It is an honour to be pregnant and to become a mom I often thought. I would see videos of their partners rubbing their beautiful pregnant bellies. I would see their partners holding them through every difficult moment. I wanted that too. I wanted it more than anything I have ever wanted in my life. So it became my new obsession.