Reginald Perry

Conversations are Memories

He stood at the door for a while, never has a card and balloon held so much weight as time passed with his hesitation. The mind has the power to take over when the heart reminds you how much it can feel. Could this be the last time a day like this is shared? Before he could answer that thought, more flooded and began to sink his mind. An "excuse me" interrupted his silence and a hand reaching for the door jolted him into a reaction that it was time to follow inside, and greet his father on this special day. In front of the tv is where he found him as of course dad would never miss a game. "Happy birthday pops, are the boys getting it done?" Turning his head and seeing what his son had, brought a smile meant for both the game and his boy, followed by a "hell yes! now sit down son I have been doing my best to wait for you." " Pops on this day in history and I do mean history Darnell Myles took his first breath, and just so happens 10/30 are lucky numbers for me." "Well son God would have it that your birthday 12/7 have always been lucky numbers for me." "Dad I didn’t know whether to get balloons or a bottle of tequila, so I got held up for a while." "You sure it wasn't the standing outside for an hour that held you up?" His father replied. "You saw that huh?" "After 80 years you would think you would have known to bring the tequila." "Dad we both know you have a bottle in your room to celebrate." "You're right about that Bruce, the nurses don’t check everywhere, let’s go to the room and have a drink." Bruce gets behind his father and starts to push him towards his room. Happy birthdays and well wishes escort them down the hall, as staff and friends look on. "Do you think they are smiling cause it’s my birthday or because the balloons you got me are SpongeBob SquarePants?" "A little of both." his son replied, "I thought the added attention would liven you up." His dad muffled, "you're so un... I mean thoughtful you little brat." As they got to the room his father told him to lift the back lid on toilet, grab two cups and pour them a drink. Shaking his head at the hiding place his son followed instruction and sat down by his father’s side. "So, what are we drinking to this year Dad?" "Seeing as this is probably my last, how about to the life I should have had?" His father replied. "What kind of toast is that dad?" "Bruce, what were you thinking standing outside unable to open the door?" "A lot of things" his son said. "Mostly the time I have been able to have with you and some of the things that you taught me." His father put down the cup as if he was telling what was inside to wait a little bit more before he was ready. Then he turned his wheelchair and said, "son we both know this is my last birthday and at my age every door I stand before brings those exact thoughts to my head. I know that I did right by you and your mother, and she left this earth knowing we raised a good boy. You are a man that I am worthy to share a last name. Despite the life we have had, and I was able to give you, one itch I wish I would have scratched still lingers." Bruce felt that weight coming back as he began to lower his hand and put down the cup. "Dad you have accomplished a lot in life, what could still be poking at you." "Son the regret of always thinking I can find something better. I did that a lot in life which made me not appreciate the beauty God wanted me to see. Yes, I was successful in career and moving up is how you can say I accomplished that. Looking back there were positions I could have been happy with and been more successful as your father." Bruce began feeling guilty for not showing more appreciation for his father. "Dad you are my best friend and I am who I am because of you." His father replied, "Bruce for that I am thankful but if I wasn’t fooling myself into thinking better, I could’ve been being better and those memories you had outside the door would reach deeper. When a boy cries it is because of a strength he has not been tested with yet. When a man cries it’s because wisdom shows him the times he has failed when tested." Bruce's father got silent yet his laid-back posture in wheelchair showed he still had something to say. "I thought I gave everything with your mother. We had both been immature when we met, but the fire and connection was strong. Life chose for us to go through things making us grow up, and our focus shifted not toward each other but preservation of self." His voice was cracking now. He reached for his cup and raised it, "Son!" Bruce grabbed his cup and they took a shot. A river of tears began to trickle down the wrinkles of pops face. "It was easier to give up and believe we could just find someone better. Unfortunately for you that defeated belief has made you see stepfathers and stepmothers, as if running from what God deemed beautiful to start was stained by Better." Bruce began pouring another shot to distract the tears gathering inside of him. "Dad there was a hurt that both of you carried at the mention of other’s name, I knew you both loved each other. For you both heaven is your second chance to love"...attempting to change his father’s spirit he joked, " what better place to go on a date than with streets paved in gold and in the presence of angels?" The quip did the trick as his father snapped back with laughter saying, "I’ll drink to that!" Before the kick could leave the trail of tequila in their throats Bruce's dad asked, "son you’re still too young for regret. Tell me where does your heart hurt?" He got up out of his chair and walked to turn the game on in the room for his dad. This gesture didn’t change the subject as aged brown eyes followed Bruce back to his seat. Even the announcers and crowd on the tv seemed quiet and waiting for his reply. "Get me up in the bed and hook my machine up while you avoid answering your father." "I’m not avoiding the question, which cord goes here again? ok I got it." His father goes in again, "so tell me Bruce and pour us one more. I think I can call it quits after this next one." The bottle had gotten lighter with each pour and Bruce noticed his spirit did as well. He broke out in laughter having his Oprah ah ha moment. "You are one slick S.O.B dad." "Why is that son?" he replied as he took his watch off and set it on the table by Bruce's chair. "Dad you always know what I am thinking and feeling before I seem to understand and put it into words myself. How long did you watch me standing outside the door?" His father reached for the cup and stared into what lied ahead. "How long do you think it takes a father to notice he needs to comfort his son?" "Well you read me damn good" Bruce replied. "I have had a lot of stress over work lately. Seems like the more I move up the less time I have to enjoy anything. Lonnie is going to be leaving for college soon, and I’m still trying to figure out where his high school days went. Janet and I have begun to let little arguments pile up into a mountain of stress and resentment. It’s almost easier to just keep distance and distractions of other people between us. I have forgotten who I am and the things I love to do. All because I’m chasing what I think is better for me. Then there is you." His dad tries to nudge Bruce's spirit with his own joke, " Bruce I have reservations at the Hyatt in the sky." They both laugh, and Bruce says, "I will drink to that! You always have a way of making me stop and reflect. It’s as if you knew all along I had the answer. That is something I will keep with me always." His father sets down the cup and pulls the sheets up to his chest. "Well Bruce what is the answer?" "Don't ever try to find something or someone better because it’s easier. Live a life that requires the work to make that something or someone better. Struggling with a situation isn’t a sign that it doesn’t fit. In fact, it means you are closer than you think because it’s a fight. Winning is not accepting anything but what you want." Bruce looks at the tv as he is talking. "As a matter of fact, losing only hurts when you know you could have won. Speaking of which dad, the boys pulled it out, final score at the end was 12 to 7 your favorite numbers." Expecting that hell yes Bruce turned to his father to see he was gone. Those tears he had distracted inside him earlier had nothing stopping them now. Bruce buried his face in his father’s chest sobbing as the warmth left his body. His time with his father had run out gathering the wisdom that would prevent this man from failing the rest of his life. A hand fell upon Bruce's back as the nurse who quietly stood idle at the door waited as a father taught his son his last lesson, doing her best to comfort him. He asked "how did he know it was his time?" She replied, "he had been telling you all along, he waited as long as he could for you to get here. Something tells me when he stopped me from greeting you outside you knew as well." Bruce picked himself up and reached to grab the empty cup on the table. It weighed more than it should, so he looked to see why. Inside the cup laid his dads watch clock face down. When Bruce lifted the watch, he read the inscription on the back. " it’s your turn, it’s your time". A smile that could only replicate that of his father took over his face.