Reflectionsandintrospection

Hustle Believe Recieve

This book was recommended to me by someone very close to me who I consider to be a mentor. It was January 2020 and I had been struggling, to say the least, with my mental wellness. And this was pre quarantine... I struggle with Manic Depression, Generalized Anxiety, PTSD with a tendency toward neuroticism and S.A.D. This bout had been particularly bad and I felt myself sliding backward over all the progress I had previously made. I had left my job of three years that June after a co-worker turned practically mother, best friend and confidant suddenly passed away of a heart attack. In my grief, I was able to see how working 84 hours a week, 12 hours a day 7 days a week for a month straight not to mention the ever changing schedule between dayshift, swing and graveyard was wearing on my family life, and my boys were acting out at home. It was time for a change. I had a wild summer thereafter of making manic decisions some of which I am still living with the consequences of to this day. (facepalm)I quit my job, I started and quit two or three more jobs in the course of six months, I impulse spent all my savings, I got a dog during the most tumultuous time (though I would do that again 1000x over) I took two impulse trips one of which I didn't tell anyone about. I cut people off and made friends with strangers (something I would never normally do) I finally started to settle my ass down and found the perfect job for me (medical transport) with flexible hours, great pay and benefits. I get the job, and I go through like 40 hours of training which by the way, cost in total like, 300 bucks and I was building a great relationship with my boss then BAM! The City of Portland denies my certification request even though they had approved my permit. I appeal this decision and get a court date set for months out. That felt like such a huge setback and it was all the excuse my ego needed to justify sliding into a fully depressed state in which I don't leave my house for weeks. I don't file for unemployment or any other benefits like I know I should. I cancel all plans, I stop answering the phone. I don't wash or brush my hair. I'm suddenly into my like, twentieth time of watching Game Of Thrones after binge-watching for what could have been the one-hundredth time Tru Blood and I realize I need to pull myself out of it. I reach out because that's all I have the energy for at that moment. Yet I know I don't want to 'feeling dump' on anyone, I just need a little direction toward some actionable steps I could take to get back on track.