Peyton Rachelle Prince

Control

What does control as a child look like? I can't remember the look on my mother and fathers faces when I would ultimately make a decision that countered their very authority. I don't recall the "stops," and the "nos," that lingered in the air after my parents had watched me classically rebel. At some point you learn one of two things. There is a system already put in place when you come into this world. A heirarchy of old and new that form and get in line at the assembly to continue the practices of old. Mother and Fathers are right and you are without a doubt wrong. Even if you prove you are right on a matter, you are wrong for correcting the system. The system corrects and monitors itself. Parents know more, see more, hear more, understand more, and therefore have the perfect perspective to ultimately keep you safe, and happy. I realize I may be rambling a tad so if I may let me go back and clarify that I said there are two different ways of seeing things. Children often fall inline behind their parents and hold their native tongues, and ideals as sacred and right. It isn't until you realize that they are flawed and ignorant of certain things that you can make a decision to see things the other way. These children are what we call the "problem child." Oh come on you have all heard that phrase before, either used on you or one of your siblings. God forbid all of your children or you and your siblings turned out perfect you have most likely heard it from a friend or relative about their child. They are always up to no good, and they test their parents at every twist and turn. Most people don't really see this happen until teenage years, but some children choose to express this rebellion early. It often times lands them with remarks from the teachers, and swift and stern talks at home, sometimes landing at physical punishment to subside such behavior. I admit I was one of the children whom saw their parents as nobles and saints. I had instances of rebellion but for the most part temptation came knocking and I simply turned up the television volume. I had no need for my life to become more complex than it already was, and thus I had no need for change. My parents fed me and clothed me all the same. They took me to church and allowed me to be involved in whatever activities my little mind could think of. I got warm hugs, and kisses, and even in the midst of consequence my blanket was allowed to follow. (In case this metaphor is unclear, I am referring to the times at which I was put in time outs and I would bring my blanket into the chair with me and take a nap. This is a true story.) I had no need to question my parents because they, in my mind, had everything right. I was spoiled by no means, and therefore it let me be grateful when I did receive abundance of things. So why then as an adult do I look back and wonder had I challenged authority would I still be where I am today. I look up and all around me is drab and flat. I am stuck in a situation that outplays itself over and over a thousand times a day. Why have I trusted the people around me, as to a fault. I relied heavily on the support of my friendships, and family, and my work. Oh goodness my jobs. Are they not but a crutch saving you from devastation and despair. How many times my mother would come home and complain of the management at her job. Or my father would come home exhausted from the weight of overtime again and again in this dark slate of a winter. It wasn't a please could you, it was a if you don't we will find a reason why you aren't needed anymore. It was a sentencing my father could not bare year after year with three girls and a wife. You don't see the anguish as a child because you are too easily swayed by the packages, and feasts before your very eyes. Your parents are gravely tired from working their lives away, both to appease you, and appease their bosses. It is a jail sentence for them to lock down a retirement plan. While our generation was taught to not quite settle into a job that was beneath your potential, my parents had been given the gift of giving up. Give up and surrender your life to thirty years of passing time and neglecting the health of your body, your home, your mind, and well... your very dignity. You are but another cog in the wheel as they say. I don't want to be another cog in the wheel though. I have done it long enough and to what end does it bring? I followed the manner of my parents and I obeyed the scriptures and here I was ghastly underwhelmed.