Patrick

Joined December 2024

2 stories

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day dreaming

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all the lives I’m not living
As we turned the corner onto Kenilworth Road descending to Rathmines, a woman holding a flask of coffee, an umbrella, a laptop bag and dragging a child behind her came into my peripheral vision. She increased her own and as a results the child's speed as we pulled left out of the roundabout making our way the 500 meters or so to the iminent bus stop. She had wet hair look altogether overwhelmed on this freezing cold but clear Monday morning. I turned my attention to the bus driver and met his eyes in the rear view mirror as he purposely slowed down so the woman and child would make it to the stop in time. This made me so happy I felt a small toothless grin rise at the corners of my mouth. He didn't have to do that, I thought as Dublin Bus drivers so often don't and now her day might have even somewhat of a more positive tone. I've been trying to incorporate more mindfulness and noticing into my life and all in all I was pretty pleased I witnessed this moment. I turned around to see did anyone else but as I suspected when I looked behind all I was met with was a sea of hats and the tops of people's heads as the roughly 20 passengers stared into their various phone screens. My brief joy was instantly wiped as I turned to look back out the window, perhaps in search of more moments of humanity that would inspire happier thoughts.
By Patrick about a year ago in Humans
No New Notifications
1st December and the weather is unironically depictive of my current mood, dark, wet and seems like its winning a fight I didn't know we were in. The 19:05 train pulls off from Sligo Station or Mac Diarmada and I open my laptop as if there was going to be something on there that would help as a distraction or an escape from myself. I have frequented this journey from Sligo Town to Dublin Connolly umpteen times over the past year and my system for same curated down to T. My ability to meticulously plan and execute never letting me down, except when it does. When the world with its unpredictability shows it's face I forgot was there every so often and reminds me that the control I think I have on the world and my own life is in fact a mirage. Earlier today I woke after in my cold but warm two bedroom house in Tullaghan, county Leitrim, an extremely rural seaside village (if you can even call as something as small and isolated as that a village). Practically still dark I could feel a throbbing in the back of my head begin to surface and I wondered if this was what had woken me. The throbbing in my head was indeed self induced, stemming from a wild Saturday night of cannabis and sugary snacks, my almost nightly routine at this stage. However it was a Saturday night and I was feeling particularly more lonesome than usual so I had gifted myself an extra helping of both. Whether it was a gift or an increased dose was required to cover up the feelings of my immediate reality I still haven't yet clarified. I pondered on this as I leaned over to check the time on my phone. 7:55am and no new notifications. The feelings and negative self talk I numbed out last night are rapid in their meteoric rise to my psyche,"Obviously there's no notifications, what were you expecting, you idiot".
By Patrick about a year ago in Confessions