Oath of the fallen star

Residue . Content Warning.

"I exist in two places: here, and where you left me." — Margaret Atwood • There it goes again. It starts with a frightening silence. Then… slam! "Jesus!" my mother screams, like she's just realized how close she is to actually meeting Him. We run again.  My brothers dive under the bed. My sister clings to my mom, as though she's thinking "maybe this time, she'd actually go, and I can go with her." I don't hide anymore. I just listen. Because one day, I'll need to remember every sound to explain why I don't sleep. There's kerosene in the air tonight. I can smell it. That awful smell. The kind of smell that doesn't leave, even when the windows are open. She's soaked in it. Hair, face, arms. Her eyes sting. Her voice cracks. And the match, that cursed match… won't light. His hands are too wet.  It should be terrifying but he's laughing. Tells me how easy it is to end a life while my mother burns in tears and chemicals in the other room. And I cry.  For the first time in a short while, I cry. "Why are you crying?" He stares at me like I've ruined the moment. "Stop crying." he says. That was it. The moment, I wanted to die. Not from fear. Not from pain. But because the match didn't light. And that meant it would happen again tomorrow.