18 Years Part 4
Finally, we were on even ground and grown-up!
A month later I was back in my hometown. Single, confused and in a mess of a place. I had left my heart behind with someone I loved very much, and moved home to get my life together. I was in severe emotional pain of all kinds and wanted a distraction. Him. See this is where the lines blur and my confusion happens with him. I had left someone in the city I loved and wanted to be with, but couldn't as I had to return home to the country. He had encouraged me to be free and single, to do as I want, even to hook up with *Jonathon. All I needed was an excuse to see *Johnathon and I was there, and what I did was wrong. I met him one arvo, and he told me to jump in his car, as he drove out into the bush I felt anxious, knowing what I was doing was wrong, but I felt I was already there so I might as well do it. He looked so unwell, the worst I have ever seen him look. His face was drawn and his beautiful sheen was dull. I felt so worried for him as he explained his ex was making his and his daughter's life hard. I felt pain for him as he told me. There was no way he was lying, excluding major details maybe, but nobody could look that unwell and be lying. We had a quick pash, then he bent me over his passenger seat from outside the car and did me quickly from behind. All he wanted was to get off. He didn't give a shit about my pleasure or my needs, just his own, blaming his current situation on having to leave so fast. As he drove me back to my car he asked all the questions he could, trying to make me feel needed and important. My gut churned. I felt like I had cheated and possibly you could count it as that. I hurt myself, and he hurt me by treating me like some random piece of arse. I did that to myself and I deserved the sickening feeling that comes with being used. What was I trying to prove? That I was single and could do what I wanted? It wasn't worth it that's for sure.
