The Audacity
As you already know, I had a religious upbringing. I was taught to treat people how you want to be treated. And do good deeds and good deeds will come back around to you. But I learned in the most detrimental way that it won’t be reciprocated because of “free will”. People always have a choice in life. I always knew I was a free hearted and maybe too trusting. I was young, so of course, I fell victim to the wrong crowd. But these were so called relatives of my brother’s mom side of the family, so I thought I was “safe” until one night they took advantage of impaired state of mind with the help of slipping a “Mickey” in my drink. They coerced me to say things on camera such as they had my approval to sexually assaulted me. The next morning, I awoke to a stranger on top of me in some random motel. When I woke up, I started freaking out on the guy about how he was a rapist! He replied, “ Well I just thought because you approved everyone else to have sex with you, I thought it was ok.” I said WHAT!!! I was hysterical and I’m disbelief. I called a cab and went home but my parent knew something was wrong. They took my banks card and apparently used them to death at several gas stations . I was completely devastated. I couldn’t sleep at night because it seems like my nightmares would flare up. But then my nightmares got worse and I just stopped sleeping. The rape was a terrible experience but it was the disloyalty I couldn’t get over. The police told me I didn’t have a case because they have me on camera saying they have my permission when in fact they coerced to say what they rehearsed me to say for them. I was completely susceptible to anything they wanted me to do! I would have never agreed to five men. And on top of that, I only had a couple sips out of my one drink!!! I knew I had been drugged. At that time of my life, I only had sex with one person at the time and was only interested in love. I thought, “ How sick?? They premeditated a video to corroborate their story!! Not only did they violate me in the worst way but they have access to a video where they can relive it over and over.” I understood that it happened and we can’t go back in time, we can go only go forward. It was definitely a hard pill to swallow but there is always someone going through something worse than you. If life was good all the time, we would have no reason to pray. With that being said, I thought it can only get better from here. So I decided to become a stripper/dancer. I thought since I was exposed on a video somewhere that I might as well make the most of my body. Most people frown upon it but I had fun. I made a lot of money and seen the world. It was my way of saying f@@@ it and taking back my life. I decided to break the barriers of shame and show the world my resilience. I think everything happened for a reason and shaped me to be me. Becoming a stripper taught me to embrace sexuality and I embodied this other persona. When I get to be 80 years old, I’m going to tell my grandkids how grandma used to swing from a pole. Lol
