Nicole Sanborn

Reflection

It’s a cold November night in New Hampshire, there is a blizzard in full effect, and the parking lot where I am parked is fairly empty besides the few die hard people hitting the gym in this harsh weather. Having just attended the gym myself, and after getting my daily shower there, I am now hunkered down in my SUV for the night. This parking lot has pretty much become my home this winter. After being bothered by the police several times in other locations, I have found success, and a little security staying in my RAV4 outside the 24 hour gym. It’s easy to blend in here with all the other gym goers and mall employees cars being parked for long periods of time. This night is stressful though, the winter weather has called out all the city plow trucks and they are beeping, and scraping the pavement all around my vehicle. I tell myself that it will be morning soon and that as long as I can survive the night, I can make it through one more day. I stay huddled down under my mummy bag, squeezing my dog tightly, closing my eyes hard trying to stay calm and go to sleep. But tonight I can’t sleep. I feel hopeless and ashamed of my life situation. I think back on happier times when I had a home with my little girl, who is now 10 and living with my mom. I’m trying hard to hold on to being a mom by sleeping in a town an hour away from my job so I can see my daughter several nights a week, but at the end of every night I still end up here, in this parking lot, away from her.