Nicole Blake
Bio
I'm Funny
I'm Strong, I'm Independent
I'm Afraid
I'm Co-Dependent
I Hate Me, I Love Me
I'm Crazy
I'm Sane!
I am all of these things. A t the end of the day
I am just ME. Left alone with my Hopes, Dreams
My Thoughts
Stories (4)
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LIFE'S little BLESSING'S
To often do I find myself thinking about all the little things in life that tend to make me mad, sad or angry. Usually these are small things though out my day. That in the grand scheme of things don't even matter. I believe i have spent the better part of the last 18 months of my crazy life. Missing out on all the little things in life that make me smile the important things. My loved have suffered as well. Due to my more often than not periods of deep depression. Stretches of sadness, anger and confusion. Emotions I never knew existed took all of my energy. Life for me was almost non functional. During this time which I like to refer to as. My series of very Unfortunate Events. I've learned first and fore most life never had to be that difficult. I am responsible for the direction my life has gone. I'm responsible for how the relationships in my life have turned out. I say these things because they are true statements. Listen carefully when I say this. No one can make us do or say anything we don't allow. In most cases there are obviously exceptions. We can't control what others do or circumstances that we may face. We can however control how we respond to them. I could have taken all the energy i spent on the negative things that were happening around me. Just as easily if not been easier too focus my energy on the positive things. Where there are negatives you can always find positives. If you can't find the positives. Then you can always turn turn a negative into a positive. I alone have the power to do so. Although there were two large positives Jossilyn and James. My children who are always there to make me smile everyday. I realize we probably have all heard the phrase the power of positive thinking before. To actually put these words into action and use them in our everyday life. This is something totally different. Something we can't fully understand unless you are truly open to believing that we are the ones that control our own universe. When this happens we take control of our lives for the better. Then all of the sudden all those little things focused on causing anger and the rest of those negatives that put us in a bad mood. They aren't able to cause bad vibes for us. I do want to state for the record. I do now and have for a very long time suffered from depression. No I cant't control the fact that my body has a chemical imbalance. I did however allow myself to go with out medicine to correct the effects it had on me. I suffered in silence for more than 10 years. Me and my very large Ego with a side of pride.The three of us had been responsible for the better part of my thought process for as long as I can remember. I didn't want to have to take medicine daily. To be what society or anyone and everyone said was Normal.. Why aren't I Normal? What was wrong with me? I some how wasn't going to be me, if I had to take meds. Why do I have to take medicine? Why Why Why?What makes them Normal and not me? I can do this with out medicine. I got this! These were the things I would tell myself when I felt down or the depression was at a high level. How's that for the power of positive thinking? Not exactly what I was meaning. No one had said these things to me. Not yet any ways. It never occurred to me how I could feel. If my mind, ego and the rest of me were all in balance and aligned together. Why would it? I had been living this way my entire life. This was my Normal. Only what had been manageable wasn't going to be much longer. I was going to have to find a new way of living and a new way of dealing with this depression. My marriage and family were imploding around me. Things started spiraling so fast quickly moving out of my control. What I was about to be thrown. I wouldn't and still haven't walked away from yet. All those little things that had once been Honey I Love you honey let me do that for you honey let me get that for you. All these little things became I can't stand you. why didn't you do XYZ today. I did XYZ why couldn't you at least do what I asked you too? You can understand where I'm going with this.Suddenly our everyday became filled with anger and resentment. Instead of understanding and love very reasons we got married in the first place. We were now focusing on all the little negatives instead of the positives. Believe me there was a lot of love, understanding and forgiveness before we were married. So many little things that we, I allowed to get in the way of what was important. Easily these were once all the little things that put a smile on our faces. If we allow our energies to be placed on all the negatives instead of the positives. All the important things that matter the most can change in the blink of an eye. If we aren't paying attention to what and where we are placing our energies every minute of every day. I know it happened to me. When I quit paying attention for just a moment. Had I used the power of positive thinking and continued to place my energy in the right places. I may have been able to save my marriage. I know now what and where I've made my mistakes. I know what I could've done differently. I can't change the past I can't go back. I can however learn from my mistakes. Take my mistakes with me and turn my negatives into positives for my future relationships. Two things that have always remained The love I have for my Children. They easily have been and will be the reasons to never give up and to stay positive. Things have a way of working them selves out when you put positives vibrations out into the world you get back in spades. Life can be a wonderful beautiful experience for our souls if we allow it to be. Life is hard there will always be rough roads and hard losses. There will be so many more good times, laughter and learning we just have to allow there to be. By just taking a moment to stop and think about what energy we want to place into each situation at hand. We can control the out or at least make it easier. I allowed my family to implode depression, negative thinking, anger, resentment and a very large ego. All these negatives to tear my family apart. Had I gave them less energy. Had I payed more attention to all the little things that I loved so much. All the little things that made me smile. My life could've turned out a lot different. Some small part of me knows I had to go through all of this to truly have gratitude for all the positive things I am blessed to have in my life. Had I learned all these things earlier. I may have been able to save my marriage, but I wouldn't be the person I am today. Up until about the very moment of writing this is about how long it's taken me to learn. While I'm still a work in progress. There's a lot of road ahead of me some good some bad. My journey is far from over. I can only hope that moving forward that with the power of positive thinking and the gratitude for all the little blessings in my life. I never forget about the important things which happen to be All the little things that put a smile on my face remain where my energy stays focused. At the end of the day we're only human we make mistakes. I've made many. Positive I will make more they just won't be because I wasn't paying attention. It's All the Little Blessings in life that matter most.
By Nicole Blake5 years ago in Motivation
