Natalie Heng

I Loved You.

There is a saying which I pick up from my favourite celebrity’s instagram live. He said," sometimes, it is not the butterflies but the headaches that make you realise somebody." Those words went through my head and I guess he was right. Out of all the relationship I had before, the relationship that I had with you wass the only that I did not experience any butterflies. It did not give me the excitement that everyone has when they are in relationship. The fact that all those time, I was faking the excitement, telling all of my friends about all the butterflies came alive when I was next to you. Sorry to admit it now but I did not. I thought that I did not love you at all. Therefore, I always neglected you. I put us in every situation where we had to fight and end our relationship. I thought it was tiring to stay with someone who you did not love, in my defence, I did try; I tried so hard to the point where I got so exhausted. I was actually the one who wanted to end our relationship. You tried your best to show your love to someone who was not interested. You worked hard to make it work but I guess , it was too exhausting that one day you finally let it go. After you left, I fouund myself became so lost. My world stopped as soon as you walk out. Everything that I used to enjoy turn out to be meaningless, I got sick of everything. I thought I did not love, I thought I always did not care but why does it hurt when you leave ? Why am I in despiar ? It is funny when you think of it. As soon as you told that you are too exhuasted to fight for me anymore, as soon you put your forward to a different direction, my heart sink. I know that I am too late now. Too late to ask you to stay. I am trying so hard everyday not to miss you. I am pretending to be fine even if it is killing me so hard inside. I regretted every actions that I took, I regret that every minutes that I had with you, I put it into waste. A thought that ring me everyday, keep me awake every night that I should've taken you seriously. I only realised your value now when thing between us has already ended. Just like I mentioned ealier, I couldn't turn back time, could I ? Everywhere I look, I see you and it haunt me. It is really stupid, isn’t it ? That doesn’t make sense, right ? Little did I know, I loved you and it was the heartache that make me realise I loved you.