Nadege Oger

My Mother's Day Confession

Dear Mom, One of the things I struggled to understand when I was younger was why you wanted me. I guess I never understood how you and Papa, such different people who have such different opinions, would think that it was a good idea to have a child. I thought this for several reasons. First of all, we both know you have trauma, and though years of therapy has definitely helped you sort some of it out, you were aware that you would pass some of it on to me (hence the child therapy fund). I thought that it was terrible to bring a child into the world when you were consciously aware that you would hurt me and pass on trauma. Another reason (and perhaps a less dark one) was that I remember watching birthing videos in tenth grade biology class. These videos, in which children come out screaming and covered in blood and the mothers are torn from the vaginal opening to the anus because the child’s head won’t pass, may have traumatized me just a little bit and helped fix my resolution that having children was simply a bad idea. My third reason was mostly caused by the fact that I am an overthinker. I couldn’t help but look at the problem from an existential point of view. Why would you give birth to a child who would live, suffer, try and find happiness (perhaps successfully, perhaps not), and eventually die and fade to dust, leaving nothing behind. How could YOU live with yourself knowing that I would face so much pain in my life; watching grandparents, parents and friends die, experiencing heartbreak and trauma, and unable to definitively expect a happy ending after all my struggles.