Melanie Edens

Bittersweet October

I was hard at work as a supervisor in one of those horrible customer service call centers. I had recently been through an ugly breakup. The breakup had been my choice but we were still living together which made things rather awkward. I took the opportunity to work late just to stay away from our shared apartment. Exhausted from a particularly angry call from an 80 year old woman that didn't understand how her grandson had run up a $500 bill playing on her phone, I decided a break was in order. As usual I did the nightly check of the email accounts, Instagram and Facebook. Bing! A notification on Facebook messenger appears on the screen. I click on the bubble and I feel my face immediately turn hot. My stomach feels like it has fallen out of my body as I read the name, Timothy Hamilton. "How have you been these last 15 years?" it read. This was the boy, now a man that I had fallen in love with when I was only 14 years old. My mind instantly flew back to the winter morning we shared the most intimate of acts, both of us young and nervous in the front seat of his stepmother's car. The snow fell softly outside as he had kissed me passionately and told me he would love me forever. Less than a month later our relationship was ended by my overbearing parents. I was adopted and they were afraid I would end up like my biological mom, pregnant at 16 so they kept me under lock and key. My father had discovered that Tim had given me a ride home from school and scolded him harshly while chasing him out of the house. He was so intimated by this he broke up with me, thus breaking my heart. I watched as he dated another person who he eventually married. We both lived in a small town and the bride asked me to be in the wedding party fully knowing how deeply I still loved him. Sitting at the reception I raised my glass of merlot, toasting to the happiness of the bride and groom while my heart was breaking. Years went by, and I kept tabs on him. I knew he had worked at a car dealership, then started his own lawn mowing business. I even stopped by their house once to "catch up" with his wife, when really I just wanted to see him again. I sat on the couch and chatted with her all the while noticing he would not look me in the eye and seemed very uncomfortable the entire time. I thought at the time he just felt like I was stalking him and I left both of them alone after that. A few more years went by and I heard they had a child. My heart broke into a million pieces accepting that he had his own life and would never want me. I moved on and got married to man that eventually would sleep with at least five other women. Every person I dated was compared to him and came up wanting. So imagine my shock when the one man, the only man I had every truly loved messaged me out of the pale blue with “Hey there, how have you been the last 15 years?” I replied back, "Good to hear from you. It has been a long time!” I watch anxiously as the little dots blink and he is typing. He proceeds to tell me he is getting a divorce because his wife had been cheating on him. I told him I was sorry that he had to deal with that and then boldly offered to buy him a birthday beer. I had remembered his birthday was October 6th and it was only a few days past. To my surprise he not only said yes, but wanted to meet me that very night! His eagerness was intoxicating and I had to take deep breaths not to giggle out loud and squeal at my desk. I packed up my things and raced to the bar where we had agreed to meet. As I walked in the door I spotted him first. He stood there with his coat in hand, looking shy and nervous the way I remembered him when we were teenagers. When he saw me his face lit up and his cheeks turned a bright red. He greeted me with a hug and I noticed how wonderful he smelled as I leaned in. We sat and started to talk both of us obviously nervous. We were grateful when the waiter offered the cocktail and wine list. After a bit of liquid courage and a lot of flirty conversation I could not stand it anymore. I leaned toward him did what I had been wanting to do for 15 years. The taste of his scotch and my merlot mingled in a smoky sweet passionate kiss. I was relieved when he leaned back into me and returned the favor. We both smiled at each other and confessed that he had never stopped thinking about me all of those years and had always regretted that he let me go. This was what I had always wanted to hear and it felt like a fairytale coming true. Things progressed quickly from there and less than six months later we were married between the giant white pillars of his 1864 colonial home. We were happier than either of us had ever been. I also quickly fell in love with his son and we became a happy little family. Every October we would revisit our first meeting. I would order a glass of the same merlot and he his favorite scotch. We would relive the moment of that passionate kiss every year for seven years. I wish I could say that was our happily ever after, but I lost him one horrible June afternoon to a sudden heart attack. My heart broke once again and all I wanted was to join him. A life without my love was a life without joy. I barely lived from day to day and dreaded the looming October. I decided I would go and remember him in spirit by reliving our first kiss alone. I sat at our table, ordered my glass of merlot and had them set a glass of his favorite scotch across the table. My spirit was so broken and it was all I could do to keep from sobbing. I rested my face on my hands to hide my grief when I felt a hand on my shoulder. When I looked up, no one was there. My phone buzzed and I noticed I had a new email. Tim had written me a love letter and scheduled it in his email to send to me on this very date and the exact time of our kiss. Tears streamed down my face as I read his words, "No matter where you are I will always be with you. My love for you transcends the binds of Earth. No angels in heaven or devils in hell could keep me from you. Yours Always, Tim". I replied through blurry eyes, "I love you, always have, and I always will."