Maurice
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Sweep it under the rug
( 1 ) This is a two part story involving a slice of pizza.....I was standing outside one day with my friends talking , eating a fresh out the oven cheese pizza , when suddenly there was a car accident.....The impact of the cars colliding with each other was so loud it startled me and I unknowingly dropped the pizza face Down on that hot summertime dirty New York City street that I was standing on......I stared at it for a few seconds , picked it back up and continued to eat it.....that wasn’t the embarrassing part.....The embarrassing part was , for the next 5 to ten years every time my friends would have a gathering or a party , they would talk about it to people they barely even knew.....( part 2 ) One day I was standing at the top of the street where I lived at for most of my childhood , waiting for the bus.....I lived on an extremely large hill.....I was kinda standing to the side a little bit but at the top.....It was the end of fall going into the winter.....It was windy and I caught a chest cold a few days prior.....I coughed up one of those flem mucus coughs that can only come from a person that is sick.....As I spit it out , to the right of me , this guy just happened to be walking up the hill.....I guess it was the blind side because I didn’t see him coming.....That thick flem mucus that I coughed up got him smack dab in the middle of his cheekbone.....He looked like he wanted to kill me.....He told me , very demanding , to give him a piece of tissue.....I didn’t even notice he had a slice of pizza in his hand , and before I knew it , he smacked me in the face with it.....I reached inside of my coat pocket for a tissue to wipe my own face and he started running.....He must’ve thought I was reaching for a weapon or something , but all I wanted to do was get that hot cheese off of my face.....As he was running he almost got hit by a car , tripped and fell.....The embarrassing part was , when I looked to my left , these hot girls that I went to school with , was sitting inside of a car laughing and pointing at me.....The funny part was , when the guy tripped , tissue fell out of his pockets. ( 2 ) One day my grandmother put her hand on my leg at a family barbecue , she just finished laughing at a joke and let her arm kinda rest on my leg for awhile......and before I could do anything about it , My penis became erect ( caught a boner ) That was super embarrassing. ( 3 ) One day right before Christmas my mother was doing some last minute holiday shopping.....I was just tagging along.....I was a very young kid , but I have an unbelievable photographic memory of every detail in my life......We was in the legendary Macys retail establishment.....It was jammed pack with people.....It was a wall to wall type of crowd.....So we make our way to checkout register line , and I noticed it was taking extremely long to checkout.....When I finally looked up , the cashier grabbed a pair of the largest scissors I ever saw and cut my mothers credit card in half.....I’m not sure if that was even legal but , when your a kid right before Christmas time , that sucks. ( 4 ) I had this thing I used to do where , I would record all of the award shows and music videos that came on television and entertain friends and family with it.....One day me and my girlfriend was having sex and a DMX video came on.....She was on top of me and then she just stopped in mid-air it seemed like , and she screamed out , oh shit oh shit.....The television was behind her.....So that means she had to stop and twist her whole body around in order to see the screen.....That was embarrassing lol ( 5 ) One day me and a group of friends was all hanging out shooting the shit at this lady house..... I tried to show off in front of the girls and open up a bottle of beer with my mouth , but I ended up cracking my whole entire tooth in half which resulted in me having to spend the rest of the night with all those hot chicks with a missing tooth......I managed to get a pity fvck but everybody couldn’t stop laughing. ( 6 ) This has two embarrassing moments in one story.....My girlfriend was performing oral sex on me inside of her parked car on a dead end street one day..... I’m not sure if somebody called the police or something but , when I looked up , I saw cop car pull head on to us.....As he gets out the car and starts walking towards us , I’m trying to pull my pants leg up.....I got one pants leg up , but I was fighting with the other pants leg and could not pull it up in time......I was in the drivers seat so he approached me first.....All I could do was cover my member with my hand......After searching the car he found a large amount of marijuana in the trunk and took us to jail......When I got to the jail I saw my mother in there.....My mother used to work as a correctional officer ( prison guard ) for many many years prior.....It was just my luck that I had to run into her during that unfortunate situation......Words can’t explain how I felt seeing my mother in jail......I never felt so embarrassed in my whole entire life
By Maurice5 years ago in Confessions
