Lorenzo Catalan
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Angry, well not really. Content Warning.
I am angry. Not at the world or anyone particular, well maybe my parents but no more than any other Gen Z'er. I am angry with myself. I feel as if I have so much inside of me. I have so much to offer the world but I havent found a way to creatively express myself yet. I see other people my age or maybe a little older living their lives and seemingly doing well but then theres me, feeling stuck, occasionally confused and seasonly depressed. I feel like a world class race car revving their engine just as they are about to go take off, going 0-100 mph in 3 seconds, I stall. I am distracted by the latest internet video, or tiktok trend. I am stuck in a cycle between waking up , going to work, and then going to sleep because im too drained at the end of the day. I am angry about struggling with mental illness and I am angry about where I am in life which, if im being honest, isnt really as far as I'd like. I am 26 living at home with my mom after graduating college. I just felt as if I would be doing so much more at this point in my life. Sure, if you ask my therapist she'll give you a schpeel about how I should give myself grace and how ive been overcoming a lot of generational trauma, blah blah blah. I am angry because I know she is right and i am doing a good thing by taking the time to heal but I am impatient. I want to be done already. I want to be the version of myself who has chosen the loving people to surround myself with, those who are supportive of my ideas and welcome my presence. I want to be the version of me who has an idea and pursues it because he wants to, no longer seeking external validation in such a crippling way that the smallest criticism would stop him. I want to stop wishing someone else would swoop in and save me. I am angry at every passing day because I know its just one more day I didn't work towards learning and growing and changing my life. And the scary thing is, - yeah I know you arent suppose to start a sentence with and but honestly who cares, i am pissed right now. - And you know the scary thing is that I know that I am the only one who can change things for me. I have been surrounded my entire life with complacency and it scares the crap out of me because I know if I dont light a fire under my but now, I could wake up 60 years from now wondering where all the time went.. I am angry because I have been plagued with an ambitious spirit, an aloof mind and lazy body. I am angry because I know I deserve better but neglect to give myself better. I am angry because I was never shown love. Because thats the answer when you really break it down right? Sure I can recognize I am not where I want to be but love myself for all of the progress I have made, recognizing the momentum from the small everyday things, then going on to use that momentum to do more little but great things. Yeah I know. I am just angry that I have to heal alone. I am angry that I am healing in the environment that hurt me. I am angry that I went from a shut down, emotionally avoidant person, numb to the pain, to someone who has to feel all of the pain. I am angry that I feel all of the pain of being neglected and abandon at such a young age by my father. I am angry that I grew up with an emotionally neglectful mother. I am angry that I let the influence of their pain influence my mind and dictate my life for this long.
By Lorenzo Catalan2 years ago in Journal
5 Quick Starter Stock Market Tips for Beginning Traders
Good morning, everyone!!!! Due to popular demand on my Snapchat story (@lorenzoCatalan), here I am, actually creating the content you guys requested; isn't it amazing? Almost makes you want to ask for something cooler next time, huh? Throughout the Vocal Media outlet, I plan to release a series of information ranging from very general information like you'll receive in this post to more specific information that you will receive in later posts.
By Lorenzo Catalan7 years ago in Trader
