Liana Ville

This year: A gift of Life

This year: A gift of life Did you know that our nap-time was and will remain one of my favourite things? It was just me and you. A time of rest, no stress, rejuvenation, calm. You would read to me our story, that we made our own, a book titled: Just you and me. I would lie awake most of the time, seeing you drift into sleep rapidly, and trying to catch up to you in the dream world. Your breath became the only noise in the room. I tried to synchronise myself to it. And I always failed after a few breaths: or too slow or too fast. Following your breath-pattern wasn’t giving me the breaths that I needed in the long-term. I always had this thought: what if, when we are born on Earth and take our first breath, it sets off a rhythm in our breathing pattern. A rhythm that no other could catch up with. In that sense, it wasn’t me who couldn’t synchronise to you, it was just the way it was because we hadn’t started to breathe at the same time. I wondered where my twin of breath was: someone living out there, having been born and taken their first breath at the exact same time as I did. A memory of love in one of its purest forms when I think back to it. However, our relationship was not as synchronised-neither was our breath, you could say-and chaos was a ruler of many moments over the years. This year, coming back home to live with you, was such a fearful thing for me. I knew that being in person with you everyday would bring me to face my own shadows. I was tired of facing my demons after these two last years, but I also had the most precious key in my pocket this time which I knew would give the strength to let love be invited in again and again. The love of a mother. Having been pregnant, having that experience, even so short as it was, that love I felt move through me, lives in me now. This unconditional, world-creator, energy. I tapped into Mother’s love. I understood, suddenly, how much you were only doing your best, and that best sometimes lacked showing me the love in the form that I needed to understand that I was deserving.