Lewis Carol

Reflections on Love from Another Messed Up Human Being

I never felt like I could fall in love. I never felt like I deserved to fall in love and be loved by someone. I used to be so messed up and probably still am a little bit. Chasing after a perfect version of myself everywhere I could. Trying to fill the empty void left by my non-existing and destructing father. Striving to figure out my place in this world. Convincing myself I deserved to be happy and that I could live my life the way I wanted. Fighting for self-love and acceptance in a society where diktats are more important than happiness. Struggling to keep my boat afloat while juggling with chronic pain on a daily basis. All of this while trying to be the shoulders my friends and family could cry on. All of this always with the optimism that if I smile at life, it would smile me back.