Lauren Large

Anxiety

Anxiety. I hear its name and the sound crawls through my ears like spiders. Anxiety. I say it and the words tastes like poison, it makes me sick. Anxiety. I feel it overpower me, I'm surrounded. I gasp for air, but I can't breathe, I'm suffocating, I'm drowning. My chest tries to expand, to get the smallest fraction of oxygen, but instead it is denied. My lungs are crumbling, my chest is cracking, my head is splitting in two. The worry, the what ifs, the regret, the self loathing, it all buries me. I measure my worth with a teaspoon, and it's rarely occupied with any value. I'm a prisoner, tortured by the the idea of normality, of peace. I beg for freedom, I dream of quiet, I wish for a calm breath. My fear of everything anything turns the most boring mundane thing into another monster that feeds on my heart. When will I find myself calm, in control, at peace?? I journey to find a path that allows me break out of this cage and fly free.