Latoya Giles
Bio
I'm just a single mom tryna make it. Come with me on my journey through life in writing... "A dream deferred is not a dream denied"... "Life is not a crystal stair..."
Stories (83)
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Passing ships
At this very moment, I am a single mother of two girls. I love my daughters with every fiber of my being. That will never change. With that being said though, my life was supposed to be different. I was supposed to be married with a house and two kids: one boy and one girl. I was supposed to be a nurse practitioner.
By Latoya Giles 3 years ago in Confessions
#SingleMomChronicles:Hey Daddy
Being a single mother means that I am raising my daughters predominately on my own. Each daughter has her own father. I met my oldest daughters father when I was a kid. I was 6 years old and he was the 7 year old neighborhood bad boy. I met him because he stole my little brothers bike. I was gonna get it back. I was prepared to fight if necessary. Our parents (back then and still to this very day) live n the same block. Our relationship lasted 5 years. Our daughter was born when I was 20 (i turned 21 a little over a month later), and he was 22. I knew I had to grow up fast in order to care for this child. I bought a car in January, gave birth in February and signed the lease to my apartment in April. My daughters father wasn't ready to leave the streets. By that, I mean he still wanted to hang out with the homies. While I do not promote terminating pregnancy, I wanted to explore all my options. This was in 2005. I gave her dad a choice. I said to him: "are you sure you want to keep this baby? I don't want to be a single mother." Here we are 17 years later...
By Latoya Giles 3 years ago in Viva
#SingleMomChronicles: Stats
I am a black woman. I have never been married. I have a different father for each of my two children. They are both largely absent, financially and physically. Each of those things alone place me in a certain category of society. Put them all together and I am the epitome of a stereotypical "black mom". Stereotypes are not race or gender specific unfortunately. I am so very tired of the single mom narrative. Y'all know what I'm talking about. Popular opinion suggests that single moms are lazy and just leach off the government. All the blame is always placed on us.Perhaps, had we chosen better men, we wouldn't be single moms. If we can't make ends meet, we need to work more hours or get a higher paying job. Heck, some people have the nerve to say work TWO jobs, instead of depending on the government. I have even heard folks have the audacity to tell a mom that if she couldn't afford children, she shouldn't have had them. Are you freaking kidding me? I cannot speak for anyone but myself, but life happens. It is quite as simple as that. One day I have a good job and life is good, then all of a sudden the whole world is thrust into a pandemic and my mother is in the hospital fighting for her life. She gets better (thank goodness) only for my children to get Covid. Naturally, as their sole caregiver, I got sick too after a while. I lost my job.
By Latoya Giles 3 years ago in Viva
Dear Daughter
Dearest daughter, To my oldest daughter...you are number one of my two. How much I truly do love you. I hope you knew, or know to this day. This letter is long overdue, there is so much to say. You are 17 now my dear. You grew up so fast. The time has just flown past. For so long, it was just me and you. Being a mother was, and still is my life. I tried my best to protect you. I never spoke poorly of your dad. Even when he stood you up and made you sad. As you grew, you saw him, his family and the situation for what it is. You have always been a clever kid. You are so smart. So beautiful and extremely talented. Your artwork is outta world! I am so proud of you baby girl. I know you have insecurities and abandonment issues too. It's ok, you are great and excel at everything you do. You are the blueprint. You taught we how to be a mom. We pretty much grew up together. I regret NOTHING! We are birds of a feather.
By Latoya Giles 3 years ago in Poets
Dear Grandma
Dear Grandma Delois, OMG! I miss you so much, let's start. How are you grandma? What's it like up there? Are there any crystal stairs? Clouds everywhere? I do wish you were still down here. Just being honest. You got to meet my oldest daughter. She was eight when you went away. Guess what? I had another baby. I have two girls now, you missed her by about a year. I did the math, I got pregnant with her on Halloween. Next July, she was here. You know what, I have something to ask because I wanna know. What happened that day? The day you had to go. They said the cause of death was a heart attack. By "they", i mean the hospital and doctors. Is it true? You were lying on the floor near the phone. Reaching for the phone to call for help, is that what you were trying to do? A small amount of blood was found near by. It was ruled natural causes, so no autopsy. But why? Yes you took a beta blocker, but did you have serious heart problems before? Less than a year in North Carolina before you died. So many tears we cried. Here in Baltimore you were good. It has been 9 years. I still can't read the obituary. I cry too much. I'm still sad you left me, left us. I love you so much. You mean the world to us, to me. I will see you again, until then, continue to rest in peace...
By Latoya Giles 3 years ago in Poets
An Open Letter to Society
To Whom it May Concern, As a whole, America has come a long way. We have grown a lot the past to today. Slavery is always the elephant in the room. We are not allowed to speak on it. The subject is taboo. It happened, it is a part of our history. There's nothing we can do. I am a black woman, so slavery is a part of my life. My ancestors are majority black, a small handful are white. I visited the very plantation my ancestors lived on. I saw the living quarters, cotton fields, and so on. Small, dark and cramped are the adjectives I used while I was there. It is so unfair. But the past is the past, right?
By Latoya Giles 3 years ago in Poets
Dear Me
Dear Latoya, How are you my dear? What are you up to now? It's been years. I have been wanting to talk to you for so long. I wanted to catch you before life did you wrong. I been here all along...but silent. Maybe I should say I was SILENCED. By who? Don't know. They covered my mouth tight and refused to let go. enough about that mess tho. I am here now. Who am I right? I'm sure you want to know. I don't really have a name. I am your younger self, so I guess our names are the same. Hello Latoya.
By Latoya Giles 3 years ago in Poets
#SingleMomChronicles: Mom Guilt
I have had "mom guilt" many times over the course of my parenting alone. I just never knew it had an actual name. So what exactly is "mom guilt"? Well, the online dictionary defines it as: "the name given to the feelings of guilt women experience in relation to their children. Mom guilt comes from an unrealistic ideal of a perfect mom.". That is a great way to describe it.
By Latoya Giles 3 years ago in Viva
#SingleMomChronicles: Child rearing/ Discipline
Parenting does not come with an instruction manual. I mean, there are a lot of books on parenting, but it's usually a bunch of generalizations and blanket statements in. As a mother, you just do the best you can and hope you did a great job. Now, as a single mother, I have in the past and still currently overcompensate for the absence of my daughter's fathers. I often over-indulge them. Whatever they wanted, I got it. If I couldn't afford it at that moment, I would sacrifice things for myself. Naturally, as a result, my children developed an aversion to the word "no". Yes, I sugar coated it. I don't really like to use the word "spoiled".
By Latoya Giles 3 years ago in Families
#SingleMomChronicles: Me Time
Hey mamas! On this episode of #SingleMomChronicles, we are gonna talk about: ME TIME. It is difficult as a parent to get time alone. As a single parent? Alone time is pretty much non-existent. I found myself becoming extremely overwhelmed all of a sudden. As the only adult in the house, everything lands on my shoulders. Whenever my children need anything, they come to me, of course. I have to cook, clean, help with homework, give advice and pep talks, be a listening ear, ect. I have a 17 year old daughter. She has generalized and social anxiety and depression. She has abandonment issues from her father leaving her as a child. She has mixed emotions about him raising his other kids but not being there during her childhood. She talks to me about all of those things. I have to sift through her mental and emotional stuff while attempting to sort through my own. I still gotta work somewhere to make money to live day to day. That is a heck of a lot for one person. I got to the point where I was sitting on the toilet in the bathroom with the door locked at midnight crying my eyes out. I mean ugly crying with the snot and the stuttering sobs. I would cry whenever I was in my car alone as well. That is no way to live. Something had to change, and change soon.
By Latoya Giles 3 years ago in Viva
#SingleMomChronicles: Travel Edition
As a single mother, I have a plethora of responsibilities. Since I am the "active" parent, that makes me the Sole caregiver to my children. I have two beautiful daughters. Anything that a married couple would take care of together ( mortgage/rent, utilities, food, ect), I have to do alone. Please don't think I am complaining. I do the thing, ok? So, I ended up losing my job a few months back. My oldest daughters dad (yes, I have two baby daddies) is court ordered to pay child support. I am supposed to get $85 a week, $330 a month. Well, in November of last year, he stopped paying. I guess I can say he didn't stop on purpose. The payments stopped because his unemployment ran out. He doesn't work because he and his wife (yup, baby daddy number 1 is married now) have a special needs infant, so he stays home with her (supposedly) during the day while his wife works. Now, let me clarify: I did not say "supposedly" because I am hating or jealous...trust me. I said it because our parents live on the same street. I can stand on my parents porch and see his parents porch. Because of this, I can see when he drops his daughter off at his moms house many days. Presumably so he can run the streets. I honestly don't know and quite frankly, it is none of my business.
By Latoya Giles 3 years ago in Wander
