Kristin Creech

OCD and Me

I love to sleep. Not like a normal person loves to sleep, not even like a Koala bear likes to sleep. If I could, I am pretty sure I would sleep 24 hours a day. Ok, maybe 23 because I love to eat too. There is a reason though, that I love to sleep so much. I have intrusive thoughts, obsessively intrusive thoughts and sleep is my escape. Sleep is the only time they stop, and I am not exaggerating at all. Sometimes it feels like my brain is actually tingling and trying to catch its breath, like it’s tired. My brain is being overworked and over used, never thought I’d say that. I get stuck, and if you don’t know what this means let me try to explain it to you. Scenario: I am leaving the bathroom and as I put one foot out of the door an intrusive thought pops into my head, usually a really unpleasant thought. I am literally stuck in this doorway with one foot in and one foot out. I’m stuck inside my brain and my body can’t move, this overwhelming fear floods through my veins. My mind is spiraling out. of. control. So, when you have been doing this for so long you know, the thoughts and the compulsions are so familiar you start to just kind of go into autopilot trying to rid yourself of this thought by basically rethinking it. Over and over and over and over and over and over until it “feels right.” These are compulsions.