Beagles and Birdbrains
In the moment I knew I was going to die, it wasn’t my whole life that flashed before my eyes, but the memory of my first job, right after graduation, with my newly minted Masters in Science. The assignment was to teach birds the wrong song. From incubation in the egg to maturity, we played recordings of the oriole song to robins, and the robin song to phoebes, and the phoebe song to the wood thrush. Success was measured by the confusion of the young male birds, and if they actually sang the wrong song, we broke out the champagne and promptly euthanized and dissected the subjects to discover what havoc we had wrought upon their little bird brains. We learned nothing, but no matter. We met the conditions of our funding. The question was always can we do it, never, should we?