Kim Stewart

"Almost Have My Peace"

Last year was rough for me I lost my father that I know me and raised me from birth. My father has been with me since I was born and when I became the grow lady that I am today. We have our talks , we laugh, cry, prayed together, and most of all I love to hear his stories when he was growing up!!!! And also I broke up with my boyfriend that I have been with for six years, I although he was the man that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, someone I wanted to maybe had children with once we had gotten married but, unfortunately it didn't work out. Getting back at about my father: My father was a good man, good, husband, good to his children, grand children, great-grand children, and his great-great grandchildren!!!! I often think about my father in my dreams talking to him like he was still here. He live his life, he was 96 yrs. old. Getting back to the man that I thought that I was going to spend the rest of my life with: I was living in sin, I let my boyfriend live with me and my father for 6 yrs., which wasn't a good idea because, I had my father's aides coming to our place, while I was going to school and whatever I need to do errands for myself or for our apartment. So about 4 or 5 mos. after my father had passed our relationship starting to hit rock bottom. We had arguments before in the past but, it seems that for the last year our relationship was getting worse and God have told me time, and time again to leave him but, I didn't won't to lonely. I even apologizes to God saying I'm sorry I shouldn't had let my boyfriend live with my father and I because, I was living in sin. I had no business as a Christian woman, letting a man live with me without being married at first!!!!! I was in the clouds, I fell in love, it was good to have someone to laugh, smile, cry, and to have someone to comfort with!!!! Of course that didn't last so, our relationship starting to fall apart years later with arguments, blaming everything on me , thinking everything always my fault, make me feel worthless, supposedly to be man but, his word will hurt me the most in the worst kind of way. I still and will always love my boyfriend, which now is my ex-boyfriend because we had been together for 6yrs. He doesn't understand the hurt and pain that he had cause me and he may not never will understand. I almost went through this before with the pasting of my mother 17yrs. ago. I was engaged with my first fiancée , I was burden my mother in one month and the next up month , I'm breaking up with my fiancée. Years later, I'm burden my father and about 4 or 5 mos. later breaking up with my boyfriend, that I had been with for 6yrs. , on the same day that we moved out of the apartment that I live with my father for 10yrs. It's like rendezvous all over again!!!!! Every now and then my ex-boyfriend would call me to see how I'm doing and I will tell him that I'm fine, he needs to worry about himself , and focus on himself because, he didn't do it when, we were together, so it time for you care of you and only you. I'm moving on with my life, not rushing to be in a relationship no time soon, I need time to heal, and be where God want me to be!!!!! Brighter side: Once I moved out of the apartment, that I lived with my oldest niece for 3mos. and then my sister had find a place for us to live together so I was ready and excited to move in our new happy home!!!! In the meantime, I was finished my last year of class , which I was about to graduation from UDC Community College, getting my Associate Degree in Computer Science Technology, so proud of me at the age of 47yrs. old!!!! I made it through Christ and done it all through Christ my savior!!!! I just wished my dad was still here to see my accomplishment but I know he's up in heaven and looking down on me and saying daygirl you did it!!!! See I always be my father's baby girl no matter how old that I will get LOL!!!! It has been 6mos. since my sister and I moved to our new apartment , truly a blessing, we got each other back, like sisters suppose to do , my sleeping pattern has gotten a little better since I move in the new apartment and it's peaceful at the new place too!!!! So after I graduated officially virtual on May 8, 2021, I have time to take some rest before I go to the next step in my life, after graduating from college, after all I attend to college from 2o15 to 2021 so, I am entitled to take a breather for awhile!!!! I wanted find a job that was interesting in being my own boss, and retired from there because, I still have so years on me to do that!!!! I like playing videogames online like puzzles, matching objects is my favorite!!!! First I though being a videogame programmer but, when I look it up it's had lot of skills you have to go to school for. And if I did went to school for it I will had went for a year or or 6mos. for a certificate . I told my former computer instructor and my longtime friend on Facebook, about it what I wanted to do for the rest of my life after graduating from college, he came up an idea that I should come up with a videogame that is educational and also fun to learn for youth and adults. And it was a biblical game that will be educational and fun for ages 7 and up!!!! And they I said okay, I will tried it but, when my computer instructor told me about it , I hesitate at first , thinking it will not work but, there's not a lot of biblical games out only like word games, or maybe puzzles games basically, so when I agreed to do that , I started creating my stories for the biblical games. so be a look out when I posted here on Vocal!!!!! I'm very excited of my accomplishment and this is something that I can do and retired from there!!!! And by the way name of the position that I will pursuing is being a Game Developer!!!!! In the meantime, I'm enjoying life with my family and friends. I'm still healing from the pain of loosing my father, the hurt and pain of breaking up with my boyfriend, I haven't forgave or forgive the hurt and pain that he has caused me so I need time for healing, and stay prayed up, because it's not a easy task to follow and it's not gonna work overnight. It's a process that will take some time, I can't say when it will happen but, slowly and shortly it will happen in due time, I enjoy going to church, prayer service every Wednesday night at at 8pm on the conference call , and doing my church's duties, and also enjoying life to the fullest because I only have one life to live!!!!! So inclusion I will leave my readers to this, I'm okay, I'm gonna be alright because, "I Almost Have My Peace".