Jessica

Misunderstood Afro-Latina

I know a lot of people out there who think I am crazy one of those Light skin Latinas who has her head up in the clouds; Or maybe I should say up in the music. I was born in Brooklyn back in the 80s. I am my mothers’ youngest child and probably also her favorite. Not Kidding. My mother is one of those strong Afro-Latina Single mothers that could probably destroy you with just one look. You know that look that that would send chills straight down to your ass, it would immediately make us behave. I love my mother dearly though and I am the woman I am today because of her. Would not be able to imagine my life without her. She is such an amazing soul and I believe I am a lot like her; but like 74.9% crazier. Now when you go online and you see those memes like “date a Latina they said” “it’ll be fun they said’ and you see the guy stabbed on the way to the hospital or maybe she just cut his dick off. That is me. I cannot say that I have stabbed anybody but crazy in a sense where I have no filter. I say whatever the fuck I want when I want to. There are just some things that people should not let slide. Like letting someone be completely utterly disrespectful to you. We should have all been taught to stand up for ourselves but not with violence with our words. Honestly, the world right now is not the best place to live now. There is chaos happening all around us, feels like every corner we turn something new comes to life. As an adult now I find myself wanting to spend more time with them. I do not really get to right now because I am living in Central Jersey. I truly am very family oriented. Unfortunately, family is not what it once was. From what I can remember being a child I was always spending time with my cousins; there was ALWAYS a party happening in my family. Cousins all in the room doing mischievous things to the other cousins I know I was always trying to prank my brother. I remember one night it was a full-blown Dominican party on the second floor to our project apartment. Our apartment was packed with first second and third cousins. I was hanging out with my twin female cousins when I decided to make cool-aid and bring it to my brother. The only thing was that there was a secret ingredient in this so-called cool aid. HOT SAUCE. I cannot honestly say I remember why I did it all I know is that I must have been trying to get back at him for something else he did to me. My brother drank the so called ‘cool-aid’ and his mouth was on fire. You know when your thirsty and someone brings you a drink and you go in on it. Well he did and my mother was not too happy about what I had done to him. I got my ass beat. In front of everyone and I was told to stay in my room. I apologized so much to him I felt horrible especially doing that to him in front of everyone. I was only about twelve though, so we live and learn. I am my mother’s wild child in every sense. I love to say that I am free spirited, and I just love being genuinely nice to people. Until you fuck with the ones I love, disrespect me or try to belittle me in any type of way. I feel like I am always in a heated argument with someone trying to protect my name but that ends tonight my energy will always remain unbothered. Earlier in July I was out with my cousin it was her birthday. I was not really in the mood to go out; I had received yet another one of my sons fathers crazy people harassing me. Its been going on for years but I was really upset. I tried to put on a brave front and decided to just go for a few. I remember telling my cousin that I was not in the mood but because it was her day that I would go. We get there and I am in my head. You gave to understand something. I get e-mails. Text messages from different numbers with this person literally trying to cause me emotional and mental pain for over a decade now. No matter the times i have changed my number this person always seems to find me. So I am quiet but I am trying to be there for her. So there is live music going on it is a entire vibe. So we ordered food sat at a table. As soon as we did some guy passing by I crack a joke with him he invites himself to sit with us. I say its the birthday girls choice she doesn't mind and he joins us. We exchange a few words and I get a phone call. After I am off the phone a lady that we had a few brief words with earlier comes over again. The guy and my cousin had been talking while i was on my phone now the lady is talking to them and I try to join in on the conversation but I'm honestly still in my thoughts. So the lady starts asking me questions at that point I already felt like just being home. So i was trying to get my cousins attention with eye gestures but i promise you at this point my cousin and I have not exchanged two words its been well over 40 minutes. Lady has left and I run to the restroom and come back and they were still talking to each other. Not in a way where i felt invited to join in on the conversation he was talking in her ear. So they decided to acknowledge me. We exchange very few words until he decided to turn again and whisper something in her ear. At this point I was livid. I felt disrespected and I just wanted to leave. I really felt it was extremely rude of him to brush me off mid-sentence when we were the one who invited him into our outing. I immediately said he was rude as fuck and that i wanted to leave. I pay my tab and head to the front where the owner of the bar is and close to the live music that is going on which was literally maybe ten feet from where we were sitting. I waited for my cousin to come out and she went off on me. She told me that I was selfish and threw things in my face that I trusted her with. When people sit and talk to you about their personal lives and trust you with that you do not sit here and try to use those things against them. Which is the reason why I am ok that we are not speaking. Her sister called me tonight and accused me of sleeping with her fourth kids father. I literally can not make this stuff up. This is someone who i have always been there for. When her own mother has treated her like trash and whos sister does not even speak to her. YUP the two sisters my cousins yea they do not talk. You see how fucked up this situations is. He lied on my name. I do not know why he would do that but I cant believe she would believe him. I would go out my way to make sure she and her 3 babies were good. One of her daughters is my God daughter. In this life the devil will come and try to get you. It might be in the form of a family member disguised to be a good person. Those people the ones who try to bring you down instead of building you up the ones who listen to your problems and try to claim they only want good intentions for you. Those are the ones you have to be careful with because any chance they get they will try to take what you are going through and make you feel worse about it. I will continue to shine throughout all the wickedness that this world brings my way. I will still be here standing five foot two inches and a half tall. COME TAKE YOUR BEST SHOT! I have the universe and a clean aura. I have been known to step up for people who cannot step up for themselves. I didn't think that I would have to stand up for myself so much and to a family member at that. I think there is a lot of injustice going around every place we walk in and if we as humans just speak up and say something when we see something than the world would be a better place to live in, if we do not stick up for one another then we really are alone in this world and I would really like to think otherwise.