Jeffrey Kaplan

Being with you

The sun shines on your face as I wake up from my everlasting dream. To see you from afar and feel thy warmth on my cheek as you say hello in that beautiful glow that you share with me. I look upon the heavens and I wonder will I be able to move those mountains to be with you. Will I be able to have the strength to overcome thy boundaries of our love. When shall I feel your warmth. When is the time to come when you will hold your arms around me again together in happiness for each other. Does the moon bring in the seas for it shall pull us together thru all adversity. I move with ease as these old legs pull me up and I think when shall I see my master once again. These dreams I have are so vivid that I tremble in my sleep curled up under last weeks news papers. I find the energy to get up once again as each day brings me closer to death. I must find my master and see his smile once again. I dream of him holding me and talking to me with those eyes of everlasting love for me. I took a walk the other day looking for those pesky squirrels who were climbing the trees. One said to me follow us and we shall let you lie under the sun all day long, night up till nightfall. I lost track of the time and didn’t here the call of my name. I’m usually very good at hearing my name but then it was hard to hear. These ears of mine are getting so old that I am unable to hear everything, my master says “sometimes boys get old with out even knowing it”. I always wondered what that meant? I never had the smarts, my master called me special. He said that I don’t need that special attention other boys got, I got my attention from love from him and my family. See, the problem with me is that I always getting myself into trouble with those squirrels my master is always telling me to leave them alone but I just don’t know when to quit. Now as I lay here far away and alone I remember the good times I shared with my master as he filled my food bowl and made sure I had plenty of water to fill my belly. Sometimes I would follow my master all over the house letting him know that I’m here for him. I always remember to protecting him from those mean squirrels. The leader of the squirrel pack is named Thud. I named him that because every-time he would fall of the tree he would go “thud”. That always made me laugh a big ole laugh. Sometimes Thud would come over to me and say “whatcha doing over here BOY” I hated that Thud would mock me and talk like my master but that’s what Thud would do he always made fun of me. I think sometimes the other squirrels in his pack hated him because he was so mean to everyone. I thought squirrels just ate nuts and stole the stuffing from my masters chairs. Boy, was my master so mad that day that he put out these traps to “to get him some squirrels” he said. I mean my master was seriously mad that day that it scared me so that I hid under the porch. I never saw my master that mad before. Well, maybe once before when I was a little boy. My master caught me in the babies room chewing on the babies toys. I didn’t know any better but he was sure made at me and took a hit to my butt. I didn’t feel anything but it sure wasn’t right to hit me. My master never did that again because later that night he apologized with words of love and showered me with affection. My master told me that it’s wrong to hit good boys even when they are bad. I think I know what he meant but he gave me a big hug and kiss on my face and held me for a very long time. My master made sure I was part of the new family and that I was treated equally without anyone saying anything different about my place in the family. Now, here I lay cold and wet thinking why I let the squirrels do this to me! They make me so mad. I think they did this to get back at me for showing my master where they lived and what they were doing with all that stuff they would steal. They were making a home but my master said that “to many squirrels cause problems for others” my master was right because they started getting greedy with not just what they could find outside but what they could steal from inside. I had to tell my master or he would think it was me. I’m a good ole boy and cause no problems. But, now I think that my master is angry with me cause my master has been missing things as this is another reason I took Thuds advice and walked away. Now I am sad, cold and alone. I miss my master, I’ll just sleep some more and hope my master feels me. I don’t think I walked that far away from home but I’m lost. I am scared. I am afraid for I am so old that I won’t know how to get home again. Stop this! I must find my master! I must try to get up but my legs are so old and my back hurts from falling down last night in the rain. I thought that the lights I saw where my home but it was that busy road my master said to stay away from. “If you ever get out boy, stay away from the road” he would say to me. But, now I got to close to the road and I slipped and fell and nearly got hit by that fast moving truck. I think he did hit me cause my side hurts. He must of thought I was a squirrel or something because he didn’t stop, he kept on going. The pain comes and goes, I know I’m hurt cause I can feel it. I at least can feel my own pain, how do I tell someone I’m in pain. How do I show pain? My master said to me once “if you are ever hurt and you need me to know just whimper”. I wish I new what that meant. What does whimper mean to a good ole boy like me? My master did this whimper thing once to me, it was the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. My master sounded like a cow. Mowing in all sorts of ways. I laughed so hard that day. He thought I understood and I did. My master is a smart man but sometimes he thinks I’m a bit slow at times. Calls me his special ole boy. I like when he calls me that. Makes me feel good inside, sometimes I think he’s right here with me, holding my paw and keeping me safe from all that is bad. Stop! Can’t think like that, my master will look for me and try to find me. My master said to me one day “when a good ole boy goes missing we make damn sure we find that good ole boy”. My master is a smart man, so I know my master will come looking for me. I just hope he’s not mad at me for walking off. I think I’m gonna close me eyes and dream of me master some more. I awoke and it night again, this time my dreams are so far away. I thought I smelled something familiar in the night that reminded me of my master. I have a new friend or so it seems so far as a “friend” she came to me and snuggled up into my belly for warmth through the night. I opened one eye to see she was just here to keep herself warm. We both are lost now. My new friend is Thud, I guess he is actually a she. Thud came to me for protection and warmth from the cold wind that crossed over her face. I guess we all need someone sometimes, I wonder if Thud is going to stay with me now. I’ll wait till she wakes up and ask her what she wants from me. I’ll make sure I don’t move or change positions for her. We do I feel this way about someone who made fun of me and hurt me so bad? I guess we all need someone to be there for us even though she may not want my friendship when she wakes up. I’m so confused and my master is probably looking for me right now. I’ll close my eyes again and hope this time when I wake up he is looking for me.