jamese johnson

The women with many Ballons

The night was warm and cozy as i just got off the phone with my best friend Ruby. I really enjoy her company Because she really understands how it feels to be a normal human being. we spend many days together going for walks, swimming, going to concerts you name it. But the best thing about being with her is that shes a great person to talk to and is so down to earth. but the thing about it is she is the only one that knows my secret you see i struggle with Bipolar disorder. meaning i have mixed episodes, depression, mood swings and slight anger not to mention being annoyed easily. she knows this but she wont tell any one Because not everyone will understand how it feels to be stuck inside your head over time and over thinking about things that are not real. you see i suffer from intrusive thoughts which means i have unwanted thoughts that wont go away. and with psychosis well lets not get into that i have slight fear of things such as thinking my drinks are drugged or thinking that I am a criminal. when i am manic i feel like i am famous as if i am known world wide. i feel like i am the best singer and that all the guys love me and that my beauty and voice is beyond amazing. But when i am feeling low its like i want to die i feel nervous and that i am not good enough. i feel like everyone is not very supportive of me and that no ones care. so because of my disorder i tend to stay to myself. I feel you do not need many friends or family to get you through life, you have a small real circle and your self. you have to understand that all people with bipolar are not dangerous, by the grace of God i have not been to jail and my personality is good so to speak. when my best friend ruby is not around i like to draw, color, and do self projects. Its good to say that i do not have many triggers and that is only because i was blessed with calmness and i was raised by a well respected and real women her name is Aunt Evangeline. Aunt Evangeline was a well respected women she loved me dearly but she was strict and kept me in order. I tend to take my medicine but their are times when i am off it and that not a good thing. at times i am not focused and i am not good with keeping myself clean. I due to depression i do not like to clean up and my room is a mess for weeks. I have been to jail for fighting and now following the law which i was drunk driving. But i know God still loves and forgives me for we are not perfect. My aunt Evangeline is so supportive of me because she got me introduce to God, it was had after my parents died from a car crash, i tend to get moody from it and do not want to talk. The only time i would ignore is when i am having a bad day and i do not want to talk it out on anyone else. But one thing my aunt taught me is instead of ignoring go to the man upstairs he will guide you and understand you. I do go to God at times and i can clearly say that without him i am nothing. summer time is here and the birds are singing very merely in the trees. The sun was shining brightly and me and ruby decided to go to the pool, i gained a little weight but that is ok i an still beautiful. My aunt made lunch and drinks and now i was ready to enjoy my day. we began to splash and play and jump from the diving board. i love this i said, me too said ruby even though we do no have any ice cream to cool us down. after the pool we began to go home the sun was setting and sooner or later it would be time for us to head back to law school, this is it i said looking at my foot of the bed. I looked at my medicine i was currently on Risperidone and one thing that i can say is that it has helped with everything. I began to fall asleep knowing that the next's day starts a whole new chapter of my life, good thing the medicine has helped me with stressful times because with out it i would be back in the mental hospital wasting away a good future.