Jake Parker

Will Do

A number is displayed on a smartphone. It turns the owner dumb. There seem to be several extra zeros in a rectangle labeled “account balance” than there ought to. This is the reason behind the phone-owner’s utter befuddlement. This person, slowly regaining their mental faculties, does not rightly believe these deceptive zeros. They only logged into their online banking account in order to transfer money to their housemate for rent. Instead, they are greeted with a highly bolstered bank balance. Believing this wealth to be theirs would be foolhardy, as its presence in this humble person’s usually skimpy bank account is most likely an errore and would, thus, be immediately invoiced for. And besides, zeros are not to be trusted. Ordinarily, a zero means nothing. It literally, in the most literal sense of that word, means nothing. But when given an extra number to tail, why, this meaningless (in the literal sense) zero magically means much. No no, they are untrustworthy, shifty characters. Or rather, shifty numerals… or voids. Values. Yes, treacherous, treacherous things. Despite the person’s diligent wariness, hope begins rising unsolicited in their mind. The person begins drifting off into all the joyful things that they might spend these wondrous zeros on. Stop that, they warn themselves. Already, their flippant emotions are falling for the trickery of the zero. The person digs deeper into their banking app, eyes glazed over yet focused on the bright rectangle in their hand. Wedged between an $11.20 purchase from “Aussie Goodies Pty L Sydney” and a $13.30 purchase from “Y & G Foods Pty Ltd Redfern” was the deposit in question: one rather wholesome and trustworthy ‘2,’ followed by six zeros; $20000.00, a weighty number, with a certain presence to it. Four of these zeros are highly valuable and two of the zeros are entirely worthless (separated by a single ‘.’ the blasted things cannot even agree on the same value in one amount). The person finds a clue: “Don’t forget the e,” reads the transaction description. ‘E?’ The person asks themself, What ‘E’? How could I forget something I don’t even know! And their brain rattles off a barrage of protons in every direction as they chase down mental leads. Gangs! Bikies! They “sling” the “E,” don’t they??? I have been mistakenly paid for services I most certainly did not render! Their thoughts spiral. They lead the person down a hypothetical future of fugitive-style fleeing from gun-toting cadillac-driving baddies in the Midwest of the United States of America. That seems to be what happens in the movies. Of course, this person is in Sydney, Australia, so that hypothetical future is rather unlikely. Tucked away in the person’s utilitarian work-issue multi-pocketed black shorts, rife with zippers and velcro, is a little black book and a pen, bound together by the book’s elastic. The person pulls it out. They write down a big word in the middle of two pages “OPTIONES.” The seam of the book goes right through it and it ends up looking like “OPT” and “IONES.” The person tries to figure out what that might be an omen of, gives up, and writes “COPS” in the top left and “SKIP TOWN” in the top right. They ponder it. They scribble out the added ‘E,’ having never spelt that word wronge before in their life.