Heather Hauck

Outsider

I am sure everybody has felt like they don't fit in at one point or another. Finding someone that can say they never felt like the outsider would be a big challenge. I know I sure did. At school or work. Lets be honest, some of us did not fit in at home. I sure didn't. Not because I had bad parents, but just very different ways of thinking. I had nothing in common with my brother and sister. My mother was always working, not that we had much in common, but still, she taught me what she knew about my passions and her morals. Anyway, back on topic. all of us have felt like we didn't fit in. Most of our lives are spent trying to be excepted by someone whether it's by a loved one, significant other, or your boss at work, the soccer moms that meet at McDonald's every other day. We all have that need, but why? When I started asking that question, I discovered a whole new person inside of myself. I stopped aiming to please the people around me and started pleasing myself. I didn't worry about what to wear at the next office party or social gathering, I just wore what I was in the mood to wear and I looked stunning. I dressed to put a smile on my face and if I am lucky still put a smile on my man's face too. My point is I was happy. My confidence was infectious and it reflected in my work.Which then made my boss love me, so then I did the same for situations in all parts of my life. Personal and work. I did what I wanted focusing on making me happy, and my friends followed. Even in bads times when I was in between jobs or my relationship was rocky, I focused on making myself happy first and everything falls into place behind me. I always wondered where that saying, "What other people think of you is none of your business. " came from. Why do we even care what they think? That question came to mind so much in my life growing up. I was tall and skinny growing up and with a name like Heather to go with weather and feather, well the rest is history. I always felt awkward at school and kids were just so mean. If your clothes weren't perfect or if you didn't have nice shoes and things you were prime target for the bullies and snooty girls. It got better in high school. If you can not tell, this is sarcasm people. High school was the same popularity was based on clothes and materialistic things rather than, brains. Beauty even was not based on your looks alone. You had to have the money as well. I remember our prom queen was sub par in the looks department with a personality to match. I was the person thinking about my next test, and giggling that this years queen couldn't multiply past her sixes without a calculator and her king read like a third grader but yet I wanted to belong to the crowd that surrounded the king and queen with flowers and candies and congratulations for them both. I wanted to be mean to people without even realizing I had done so. I wanted to go to the mall with those snobs and have sleepovers and dance around with those girls. I look back at those days and laugh. I was so young even though I thought I knew it all. I am thankful for the realization that you don't have to fit in to their group, you can make your own.