Elizabeth Kozlowski
Bio
Learning who I truly am has been a lifetime journey, one that never ceases to amaze me. As I traipse through adulthood, I'm learning it's okay to be your genuine self (to never cease learning) and I write to connect with humanity. Cheers!
Stories (21)
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Introducing: Lucy and Molly
As I am sitting at the kitchen table with Pandora playing my favorite music, I cannot help but contemplate where my life has taken me to. I could regret choices unmade or decisions made in haste, but every moment has led me to where I am. I have been led to typing at the table with the most adorable Yorkshire terrier sleeping soundly on the chair next to me and a boxer mix who likes to sleep on the spare bed starting at dark time.
By Elizabeth Kozlowski8 years ago in Petlife
Life as a Daughter of Agent Orange, Part 4
Well, after that previous part, I guess we are all still here! I never thought in a million years I would be sharing my story, let alone some intimate parts of how I dealt with the stress and upheaval. I know what I have gone through is for a purpose and a reason, but there are days and moments when I wish I could take a magic wand and make it all better. My late teens to early 20's were the years where I would wish that the most. During my last two years of high school, dad's side effects grew evermore fierce. It was getting to the point where he could not be in large crowds because just a tiny whiff of the wrong chemical makeup would cause his blood pressure to change dramatically and it would take a couple of days for his body to go back to normal (including his moods). Trying to get dad to come to my band and choir concerts was a chore on its own; I knew he could not handle the smells, but I still needed my dad there. The few he did not attend I spent the night watching and waiting for him to step into the gym's doorway (he would always stand in the lobby to be away from the smells) and my heart would sink when he never showed. My mom always came and later I found out that my desire to see dad there overshadowed what mom was doing; she was showing me she was there as both parents and did not receive thanks for it until years later. When it came to high school graduation, I flat out told my dad he would be there. In my mind if he did not attend, he was not proud of me. You could say I had a bit of Stockholm Syndrome at that time in my life; I thought I simply desired his approval, but I think it was more than that—I was trying to be who I thought he wanted me to be.
By Elizabeth Kozlowski8 years ago in Families
Life as a Daughter of Agent Orange, Part 3
I was quite unsure of which path to take this story down after part two; there are so many memories that are scrambling in my head and the emotions of each memory paralyze the nerves in my hands, preventing me from typing this next part. There is a video on Facebook showing a father teaching his little girl the right way to express her emotions, especially when she is upset. Whilst watching the video, I came to realize, if I had been taught as she has now been taught, my life would be completely different. I would not have bottled up over a decade's worth of raw emotions only to have it expressed in harmful ways such as cutting or having suicidal thoughts. I would also like to think that, if my dad had never been exposed to Agent Orange, I would have had a more stable emotional development. Some parts of my story may be shocking.
By Elizabeth Kozlowski8 years ago in Families
Life as a Daughter of Agent Orange, Part 2
There comes a time in any situation where one has to wonder if one is going crazy because of outside forces. Since middle school I have often wondered if living with this Agent Orange version of my dad has influenced a few weak moments where the outside world would perceive me as crazy. Once we found out what was causing the mood swings and the diabetes, it was as if we had entered a special club that nobody knows about and nobody wants to be invited in to. There is a specific chemical my dad reacts to called formaldehyde; the reactions vary from horrible mood swings to having his blood pressure skyrocket. We quickly learned about which products had formaldehyde in them. I could no longer paint my nails, wear perfume, buy shoes that had a smell similar to jelly sandals, and could not buy certain shampoos and conditioners that combined with my own chemical makeup brought upon his attacks.
By Elizabeth Kozlowski8 years ago in Families
Life as a Daughter of Agent Orange, Pt. 1
I honestly do not know where to even begin telling my story. I remember growing up, at least to the age of 10, life was pretty normal and decent. Mom worked and Dad stayed home with my little sister and I. I recall my dad being strict, but that was nothing compared to what was about to start in late 1999.
By Elizabeth Kozlowski8 years ago in Families
Endometriosis
Way back in 2001 when I was 11, I never dreamed the next 16 years of my life would be filled with the most excruciating pain month after month; I never imagined I would feel the judging glances in the pharmacy when I went to pick up my medication or at camp when I had to explain what the medication was used for because of the stigma of this particular type; I never thought I would miss a mass accumulation of days from work and school because my body was racked with numbing pain; I never thought there could be a name for what I would be suffering with for the next 16 years.
By Elizabeth Kozlowski8 years ago in Viva
