Diamond Pearl Jones

Hoarder

Since a little girl, I've always found interest in unwanted things. Forgotten things. Discarded things. Looking back, you could probably find some deep psychological reason as to why that was. You could say I found interest in these things because maybe I saw myself in them. That when I looked at this trash, it were as if I was looking in a mirror. Unwanted, but useful. You could tie the absence of my father and my constant failure of romantically keeping a boy in my life since the age of 5 was/is the reason I held these unwanted things so dear. Maybe one would say it's because I felt unwanted and I, as we all do, desired to be surrounded by things like me. Maybe it's because I wanted to make sure nothing and no one felt the feeling i have basked in my whole life. It would make sense. The way I overcompensate in relationships in efforts to make sure the other party stays. The way I try my hardest to do everything right so I'm seen as a good person so people can stay. The way I befriend more people than whose names I can remember so that someone always likes me which i turn would make sure at least one person stays. It's interesting to ponder on.