Desirae Gulledge
Stories (2)
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Losing my grandma
As I walked into the hospital awaiting shocking news my hands were shaking as I got closer to the room. My mother was across from the room with tears falling from her eyes. I opened the door trying to prepare myself for the disturbing view. She was sitting in the cold hospital bed with her short hair that was once long now gone thanks to the rounds of chemo. I looked at her body and remembered all the memories that I spent with my siblings at her house playing outside hearing all the bible stories that she told us. The memories of my sweet, beautiful grandmother doing my hair getting us ready for church every Sunday. As my family members began to show up one by one my great auntie Ella would pray for her and the whole family, I would be looking into her half open eyes as she is fighting for her life my grandmother always singed gospel songs her favorite song was Open my heart by Yolanda Adams. Everyone began to gather around her bed sharing stories and memories of her like she had been gone. Nobody asked me how I felt about losing someone who was like a second mom to me. While I was alone in my room, I would lay on the bed in tears rocking back and forth listening to her favorite song crying like a hungry baby. As I slept, I would picture my grandma in the cold hospital bed lifeless body as I touched her cold hands, she would tell me everything would be okay. Every day at school, I would have my hand on the table, my teacher would ask if I was okay, I did not want to explain my grandmother dying so I lied and said yes. Days flew by as her body got weaker, we all decided to celebrate her birthday in February due to the cancer spreading. As that day came everyone gathered inside the room with gifts as my auntie sang Never Would have made it by Mavin Sapp tears began to fall down my eyes while embracing my grandmother she was fighting so hard to see her grandchildren grow older. People began to take pictures, capturing her beautiful smile as she was surrounded by people who loved her the most. I got sadder as the days passed walking back and forth to the hospital with my mom, seeing her laying there laughing as we looked over photo books of good times we had and beautiful memories of our family. Doctors walked in and out with bits of information of how she was doing, some said she was seeing better with the rounds of chemo and others only gave terrible news like prepare for the worst. I was not prepared to lose her beautiful soul and her wisdom. Would anyone be prepared to say goodbye to their grandmother I tried my best not to face the reality that I was losing her. Should anyone care about how kids feel about losing a special person in their life? I was only 13 when she got sick only to know she had been suffering for several years but kept fighting it. Cancer has been a nightmare; it has taken so many lives of beautiful people who have a purpose for life. I tried to remember the happy moments to escape the tears although I felt like she still has not served her purpose. She was the only person that would bring our family together Kids did not know how to act in church especially in Sunday school we would be hearing the teachers read about the bible and afterwards were playing with toys, I would see my cousins sleep in the chairs pretending to listen. My grandmother singed in the choir every Sunday to me she was the best singed I enjoyed hearing her voice but was upset when it disappeared as she got sick On Sunday mornings, she would get us ready for church while we were in Sunday school, I would thank God for her and my mom. As a kid you never know how it feels to lose a piece of your heart in 2009, I felt exactly that. The name Queen fitted her so well she was nothing but royalty and was treated like it. I just wished she were still here to enjoy her beautiful name and meet her beautiful great grandchildren. When she was sick it is like all I could think about hearing her sing and talk about her love for Jesus was it selfish of me to want her to stay here and suffer just so I could hear her voice and see her face. I could not focus on school as she got worse. My grades suffered as I was crying and not concentrating on homework but only on her not being here as I got older. As weeks went on, I felt myself going into depression. I did not want anyone around me, I would be in my room with the lights off crying and playing sad lonely music. One day my mom opened my bedroom door and turned on the light. She found me curled up in a ball crying my eyes out and begging for my grandma to get better. That night I cried in my mom's arms as she started crying because she was losing her mom who was also her best friend. On February 7th,2009 I lost my beautiful grandmother to colon cancer. I remember my mom getting the phone call from my uncle. I ran so fast to the hospital and marched into the room with tears as I kissed her cold cheek and held her cold hands. That day I was not prepared to lose her, nobody said it would be that hard, I am now 25 years old, and I grieve every day thinking about her beautiful smile. In honor of my grandmother, my first daughter's middle name is Queen. As I write this paper tears are falling down my eyes as I remember the memories of her. Don't you wish you could visit people in heaven I would love to get one last hug from my grandma. Now I know she is not suffering anymore, and she is with God, I love you Queen Ester Anderson
By Desirae Gulledge3 years ago in Humans
