How many anxious paths my mother has traveled
It occurred to me that I had given my mother a hard time when I always ran to the ground alone.
Mother's footprints.
She is not the kind of mother who just loves her son but does not understand him. She knew that I was upset, that I should not be prevented from going out, and that I would be worse off if I stayed at home, but she was worried about what I would think about all day in that deserted garden alone. I was so bad-tempered that I often left home in a frenzy and came back from the garden without saying anything like I was possessed. My mother knew that there were some things that she should not ask, so she hesitated to ask, but finally did not dare to ask, because she did not have the answer in her mind. She expected that I would not want her to go with me, so she never asked for this, she knew she had to give me some time alone, there had to be such a process. She just didn't know how long it would take, and what the end of the process would be. Every time I had to leave, she would wordlessly help me get ready, help me get into the wheelchair, and watch me turn out of the courtyard, and then what she would do after that, I never thought about back then.
